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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 0:24:52 GMT -5
Getting off, he didn't stop trailing her like a duckling, not wanting to catch up to her yet. Sometimes it felt safer just following someone; letting them lead you. He put his hands in his jacket pockets, eyes trained on his shoes. "Winchester?" He'd heard of him, but when Kinah didn't continue, he frowned, face falling.
Why was no one willing to talk about this? He wanted to know!
How much more was to come?
"Yeah," he mumbled in agreement.
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 0:32:47 GMT -5
Her face worked as she though. "Dean Winchester?" she added. "Got a brother, Sam, and a wife, Harmony. Two kids, Reagan and Logan." She rubbed her hands together anxiously. It hurt to talk, to think about all those people he knew... "He's pretty close to the Lawrence's too, Cian and Emma and Oliver. And Maura, now." The Lawrences were a happier topic. Shekinah foused on them a bit.
"They've got one of us with them, too." She smiled at that. "Luna, as a dog."
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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 0:39:49 GMT -5
Oh, that Dean. The skirt-chasing, troublemaking, over-thinking, never-stopping Dean Winchester. The one who pissed off his brother constantly. Didn't he have an affair with that Lawrence? The thought made him laugh to himself, shaking his head. Humans these days--they were never satisfied with their spouses. He was ready to take a wife at the time he died...
Fucking war.
Luna? He jutted out his bottom lip, shrugging again. Never heard of her. Jesus, he missed out on a lot in eighty years. Running his hands over his hair, Jadon swallowed, clearing his throat. "Why?" he asked. What kind of human was so helpless that they needed a personal angel?
"When is this gonna end, K?"
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 0:48:33 GMT -5
"Why?" Shekinah repeated. She laughed a little at the question. She wished every single person could have their own person angel on Earth, looking over them at all times. But that wasn't possible of course. "Because Omni deemed them high-risk. Because Lucifer has a had a hard-on for Dean since Creation knows when and the Lawrences are close to Dean. Sam, his brother, has one too. A guardian, I mean."
She fumbled with her hands, her fingers tying knots into each other. "Got me. I wish I knew. I wish it couls all just be over... I wish it would all just never happen..." She breathed deep to calm herself down. Last time she had talked this out she was with Dominick and she had had a near panic attack and nervous break-down. She didn't want that to happen again.
"Worse thing is, there's nothing we can do to expedite things. We can only wait."
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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 0:53:05 GMT -5
Jadon rolled his eyes, refusing to believe that humans were that helpless. They just wanted help. They were stronger than they thought. He only wished there was something he could do. Frowning, he looked up at her, hearing a certain falter in her voice. This wasn't a good idea to talk about this anymore.
"Just...whatever. Doesn't matter. If we can't do anything, we'll just wait. Don't hafta talk about it." Fucking Lucifer. Fucking Dean. Fucking everything...
There was nothing they could do!?
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 0:59:39 GMT -5
She sighed, hating that her emotions could get the best of her like this. "Yeah," she murmured. She pushed her arm through his again, pulling closer. She looked up at the night sky, wishing she could see stars.
A flash hit her. She had lived in the country somewhere. It was before electricity, but it was isolated anyway. There wasn't much candlelight from houses to extinguish the stars... And the grass was always long and sweet-smelling. Her father or...older brother? liked to write. The smile of ink was always on his fingertips. She knew because he always...ran his fingers through her hair? Over her face and through her hair and traced her lips? Not a relative, then. A husband. A husband. She had been married...
She gasped a little, coming out of the memory. She covered it quickly, though and turned her eyes to the sidewalk. "Do you remember your life?" she asked nonchalantly. "I mean...you know, you're real life."
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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 1:05:22 GMT -5
For a while that seemed more like forever, he saw Kinah go into a kind of trance. His eyes remained on her, but he didn't panic. She seemed at peace in whatever she was thinking, so why disturb her? She snapped out of it abruptly and gasped, but he didn't flinch. Jadon replaced his gaze on the ground, keeping a steady pace, making sure to never step out of rhythm.
Her question gave him an inkling of what might have been going through her mind. "No," he lied easily, letting it just roll off of him. "No." Mother, Father, siblings, the opera, the pasta, the smoking pipe, the war, Abigail...
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 1:11:13 GMT -5
"Yeah..." She replied distantly. "Me either. It's so weird. Like, I could have been anyone, you know? From anywhere. I don't know where or even when I was." Most people at least knew the country and time period. She had nothing. She could remember a time where she could remember. But not anymore.
She shrugged, trying to let it sink away. "Guess it doesn't matter now, right?" Lie. Total lie. Of course it mattered. It was who she was and what she was and how she was... But she knew it was a sore subject with Jadon, she remembered that. She had just asked before on an impulse, not really thinking straight.
She wanted to know who her husband had been.
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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 1:17:06 GMT -5
Anyone; anywhere; any time. Jadon Samson. Boston, Massachusetts. 1943. Tattoo of a crusifix on his back. Mother Diane; Father Connor. Siblings Leah, Rick, Vincent, Olivia, Drew. He knew who he was. Who he had been. His stomach sank to his ankles as he heard her go on about how she didn't know who she was; but she was...here now. And it...didn't matter?
But it did! He had been a person, the same person he was now! It mattered. His family fucking mattered!
Jadon said nothing, keeping a solemn face, eyes to the ground.
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 1:26:21 GMT -5
She wondered if she had had other family. A father, a mother, sisters, brother... Kids. Oh Heaven and Hell. She could have been a mother! That was a shock to her system. She could have had daughters and sons and they would have had names and personalities and toys and eyes and hair and her husband would have had all that too. He would have held her and kissed her and loved her and made love to her. And she had a name. She wasn't always Shekinah, that much she knew. She could remember being called something else, but she couldn't remember what.
If ever there was a perfect time for Shekinah to start cursing, it would have been then, exactly.
"New topic?" she requested weakly. She was getting a little sick to her stomach over all this.
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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 1:31:38 GMT -5
He hated seeing her so confused while he had all the answers. His shoulders squared and tensed, fingers in his pockets playing with the loose strands of fabric. Not that he wasn't all for the idea of a new topic, either, but that just seemed kind of implausible at the moment. She was worked up, trying to regain her memory, and hell, he didn't want to brag and say he knew everything about himself. Why him, anyway? Why not someone special, like her? He was just...an angel. But her? God, she at least had some standard.
"Don't really feel like talking anymore," he confessed.
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 1:40:55 GMT -5
She nodded her agreement to that. Understandable, considering she felt the same way. Except she wanted to talk to Dominick. She found herself eager to run to him and tell him what she had remembered: she had been married. She wanted his opinion on that. She wasn't sure why it mattered, but it did.
She sighed and rolled her neck a little. This was why being an angel was so --monumental moment here-- fucked up. It was such an empty life. Nothing held any weight, had any meaning. It was all so, for lack of a better way to put it, fucked up.
"I'm thinking of intentionally falling."
She wasn't sure she meant to say it. But she did and it was out there and done.
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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 1:43:38 GMT -5
He was still incredulous to hearing that she thought that the past meant nothing. Just because they were dead; they were angels; supposedly "held a new life now" didn't mean that their past didn't matter. It existed. It happened. Why did it all suddenly just go null and void now that they were dead?
Her comment made him look up for once, and he stared at her blankly for a while. "Wait, huh?" he grunted, wishing he didn't understand what she meant. "Why?"
Stupid memories. He wished he hadn't become an angel. Maybe just dead would've been better. No afterlife. Just...gone.
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 1:48:10 GMT -5
Her brow furrowed. She had spent a long time thinking about it; along time trying to convince Dominick it wasn't a bad idea. She knew her side backward and forward. "It's just... It gets harder and harder to stay in Heaven every day. And I don't have what it takes. Everything there is so...always...lukewarm. Temperate. It's never hot or cold or... anything. It's just...nice. And I like to feel you know. And on Earth, I can do that."
To demonstrate, she reached out, touched a tree. "I like the feeling of life around me. And the choice. The good and the bad. You know, I'm all about balance. Above, there's no balance. Only...Heaven. Here, there's both."
She shrugged. "But I don't know. It's just a thought." She laughed self-deprecatingly. "Dominick thinks I'm crazy to even consider it." She passed a side-long glance to him. "Bet you do too, huh?"
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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 1:53:19 GMT -5
Jadon rolled his eyes. "Yeah. 'Cause I've lived with you for eighty years and totally think you're crazy just now, but not before. Yes. Yes, Shekinah, I think you're crazy," he grumbled sarcastically, never meeting her eye. And because it was completely and totally possible for an angel to lose her sanity. Yeah. Right.
Shekinah didn't seem to realize she was one of Omni's favorites.
"Personally, I'd rather have Omni take away my angel-hood altogether," he mulled, not wanting to brood as much as he was, but her confusion made the harmony of things swing out of sync to an extreme. And, well...now he could see the differences in their points of view; in their lives altogether. He knew; she didn't. He didn't want this; she did. She was becoming more complex every day.
And, damn it, all she could think about was Dominick.
He needed to get this goddamn motherfucking opera out of his head.
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 2:04:23 GMT -5
She quirked a half-smile at that. "Fuck you, J." She liked this cursing thing. She could get used to it.
Listening to his reply, she looked to him, confused. "Altogether? You mean just...die? Or...whatever happens to...not angels?" She sounded so naive but how was she supposed to know? She was an angel so how would she know what happened to those who weren't?
She wondered if Omni would do that. If someone screwed up bad enough. Not just have your wings stripped, but the halo removed and the divinity pulled from your soul. Shekinah shuttered a little. That sounded like it would hurt.
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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 2:08:09 GMT -5
Fuck him? Fu...fuck him? Since when did she use language like that? He'd only been exposed to those kinds of words during the war, and even then it wasn't as bad as some of these New Yorkers. He scowled. Shekinah was changing, all right.
"Yeah, die," he snapped, then realizing the harshness of his tone and taking it back. He proceeded much softer. "Just...forget everything. Not have to worry. Not have to think. I was s'posed to die eighty years ago." He bit his lip, wondering if knowing that he was eighty years dead was a sign that he remembered his past. Hopefully Kinah hadn't caught onto that yet. He chewed the inside of his cheek, shaking his head.
"Forget it. I don't feel like talking," he reiterated.
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 2:19:08 GMT -5
She bristled at his harsh tone but he corrected it fast enough. He at least new his age. Seemed to cause him more pain, though. Or maybe not more, just a different kind. Mouth screwing up, she stopped his pace a moment. She studied him a moment before catching him in a tender embrace.
She held him close, laying her cheek against his shoulder. Yeah, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. This angel business. It could really suck sometimes. For several different reasons. Just dead. That might be okay. But she wouldn't even know how to go about that. Intentionally falling was hard enough to figure out as it was.
She wished she could talk to Omni about it. But how would she react? How would she feel about one of her angels, one of her closer angels too, feeling that way? It was a blessing, Shekinah knew. She should feel grateful. But suddenly she could remember suicide. She could remember wanting to kill tyourself. That wasn't what Shekinah had done, that wasn't how she had died originally but now... Well, she could understand why someone would do that.
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Post by Jadon on Oct 31, 2009 12:56:37 GMT -5
He didn't want to stop walking. It cut off his rhythm, made everything twisted and contorted. He looked at her, wishing he knew what she was thinking, tempted to morph back into a dog so he wouldn't have to deal with anything right now. Just lie in someone's lap, being stroked, maybe fall asleep. It sounded much better than mulling over being alive as an angel but dead as a human; wanting to be dead as an angel but not even knowing who she was while he knew everything, and...fuck.
Jadon wasn't expecting the hug, nor was he sure he really wanted to hug her back, but he did anyway, feeling her cheek on his shoulder, something about her telling him that she needed to be held despite what he was feeling. A little sacrifice never hurt. (Funny, how he said that lightly now even though sacrifice was how he died.) Wrapping his arms around her, he sighed, just waiting until she had sorted out her thoughts.
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Post by Shekinah on Oct 31, 2009 22:33:39 GMT -5
She let out a heavy exhale and tried to rid herself of all the toxic thoughts. She didn't want to think about her past anymore. Or Jadon's or falling or Lucifer or Omni or anything. She wanted balance and bubbles and laughter. She wanted to be sitting in S&S with Jadon, playing with a yo-yo and laughing at the fact that they were both only seven on the inside.
On a whim, trying to recapture that moment, she conjured a yo-yo. She bounced it experimentally a few times and find it perfect. At least that was reliable. She could always count ong the yo-yo to pop back into her hand.
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