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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 4, 2009 13:45:40 GMT -5
Immediately, waves of frustration washed over her, and she winced, regretting ever bringing it up. Me and my big mouth. For her trouble, she received not only Saikoro's mountains of emotions, but a hard strike to her abdomen. "Sorry I mentioned it," she quickly tried to mend things, wanting to stop the baby from getting too riled up while she still had the chance. She cringed, feeling another.
"Maybe we'd...still have a chance..."
Ouch.
"Yeah," she stifled, listening to him go on about Azrael, how he couldn't be with them, and everything else. "Can we..." She took a breath. "It's my fault we're talking about this. Can we discuss something else?" she requested, biting her lip. The last thing she needed was more aches.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Oct 4, 2009 14:04:15 GMT -5
"Yeah....sure." Sai said without any emotion. To be truthful, he sounded a bit offended. His mind was still going on in his brain and frustration still radiated from his body, but there was no anger within his facial expression. He continued to walk with her, finally nearing a corner. There was nothing else he could think of talking about. For the first time in his life, he kinda wished, someone bad might show up.
At least a conflict would break the murderous silence they were experiencing. Besides, he'd like to prove that he could still protect things just as well as he used to.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 4, 2009 14:11:31 GMT -5
Shit, her fucking stomach hurt...
Sighing heavily, she kept a hand on her belly, wishing there was something she could do to somehow communicate with the little being inside. In some sort of remedy, she sent it some soothing emotions, hoping it might calm it down enough so it wouldn't kick as hard or as often. It was starting to eliminate mobility options. Swallowing hard, she looked back up at Saikoro.
What could they talk about to break the ice? He seemed...upset now. What could get him back to the happy-go-lucky Sai he'd been in the diner?
It wasn't exactly a happy topic, but it was the best she could come up with: "Do you really plan on leaving?"
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Oct 4, 2009 14:25:59 GMT -5
Looking up at her, Saikoro nodded firmly. "Yes....I think it be good....for me and Amarie, to get away from this place. I mean, as soon as possible. She's under a lot of stress, you know? From people.....ridiculing me and her. I think, if we want to enjoy our relationship, we should move some where that no one will insist on insulting us. I mean....not many people approve of our relationship." He sighed and then looked away.
Sai took a moment to continue. Finally, he turned to look at her and then tipped his head. "Why do you want to know? I mean....it's not of much importance to you whether or not I move."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 4, 2009 14:33:36 GMT -5
The Empathy seemed to work, and she calmed herself down afterwards. People...ridiculing them? Was he talking about her? She hadn't thought herself as ridiculing them. But Jesus--her best friend married the father of her baby. It was going to be a little more than a little awkward for Emma. Once again at a loss as to what to say to his blunt answer, she muttered, "Oh."
Her eyes floated up to meet his, and she shrugged. "Just wondering." A light sigh escaped her. Maybe it was better... After all, once May...
Shit, she needed to stop thinking.
"What about Ollie? If you move..." Shaking her head, she dropped it. "Never mind."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Oct 4, 2009 14:43:27 GMT -5
"If I move then.....maybe you won't have to tell him anything and he'll forget I ever existed and I'll be off some place far away with Amarie and the kids. Everyone's happy that way, right?" He pointed out. He had his brow raised slight as if testing her. Truthfully, that was what he really thought would happen. He figured the farther away he was, the less he'd suffer from not being able to see Oliver.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 4, 2009 14:52:23 GMT -5
Emma frowned, shaking her head. "That's wrong. I'm not going to lie to him like that," she said, locking eyes with him. "Cian and I have both come to an agreement that we're going to tell him everything. He'll understand once he's older. A boy deserves to know who is biological father is. It'll be up to Ollie whether or not he wants to meet you."
Did he really think she was that shallow? selfish? How could she keep that a secret from her son? It was wrong. They were going to tell him that Cian wasn't his father, but loved him as if he was. Oliver's reaction would be up to him. The only thing they could do was tell him the truth.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Oct 4, 2009 15:03:19 GMT -5
Saikoro looked at her and then frowned. "It'll be up to Ollie whether or not he wants to meet you." He sighed at that phrase and then something over took him. Looking away, he said gruffly, "Alright then.....don't leave out the part where you forbid me to see him and I tried twenty-nine suicide attempts because I was so depressed that I couldn't see my little boy. Okay?"
That's all he wanted to get across. Sure, he knew Emma would tell him most of it. But he doubted she'd say that Sai suffered from separation. He didn't want Ollie to think he didn't love him. He didn't want his little boy to get the impression that he just walked out.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 4, 2009 15:19:49 GMT -5
She swallowed hard, finding it difficult to pass the lump in her throat. "Okay," she allowed with a nod. No sense in arguing about that. She would tell him that she didn't want them to see each other while he was a little boy, and explain both sides of the situation. There was nothing she had to hide from Oliver. He was going to know everything, and handle it well. She just knew.
Bringing her eyes forward, she saw the apartment building come into view, seeing the lights in her apartment still out. Good. That meant Cian wasn't awake waiting for her. The last thing he needed to do was worry about her going out at midnight. "Well, thank you...for walking me home, I mean."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Oct 9, 2009 19:51:34 GMT -5
Yes.... twenty-nine. Saikoro had made sure to keep count. He nodded rather firmly, though it seemed to be in a rough, half-hearted way. It was surprising how fast Emma could tamper with his mood. He hated it...more than anything. Sai looked around and then said simply, "Perhaps we'll cross paths again......but not likely."
That implied once again, that moving topic. He hoped Emma knew that she wasn't really all of the reason why they'd be moving soon. Well at least, for Amarie's reason; as for Saikoro's, Emma was the exact reason why he wanted to get as far away from New York City as possible. He wanted to be free of these run-ins. He knew Amarie probably just was tired of the looks and murmuring whispers that circled around them being together.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 9, 2009 19:58:30 GMT -5
Not likely. Yeah. She knew.
"Look, Sai," she began hesitantly, licking her lips and letting her eyes evade, "once May comes... It's just going to be hard juggling two kids, and..." This wasn't working. It wasn't getting across the real reason she was talking to him. She had to get right to the point.
Emmanuelle sighed and put a hand on her forehead to steady herself. "I don't like thinking Oliver might not see you, or even have that option." Bravely she met his eyes. "And whatever I've done to hurt you...I'm sorry." Her voice dripped with sincerity and she couldn't steady the waver. Her eyes glistened. "I just want to know if you forgive me."
And please say you do. If not, I...
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Oct 9, 2009 20:36:26 GMT -5
"I just want to know if you forgive me."
Saikoro's eyes were shifty, staring at her for a very long time. He had been completely caught off guard and not even he knew the answer to that question. Did he forgive her? Truthfully, no....not right now. Possibly he would in the future but right now, not one bit. Emma had hurt him so much.....she had made him seem as though he was the bad guy....she had caused everyone to think badly of him; she had done too much. True, she hadn't killed anyone but she had taken him for granted after the break-up. He had tried to protect her all those years and what did he get? She took his happiness away on more than one account.
Finally, he looked down and shook his head a bit. When he looked up into her eyes, he sighed, "No....I'm sorry, but I don't forgive you.....at least, not right now. Both of us know I didn't deserve that treatment...after all I did to keep you safe; especially when I was finally getting better. I'm now labeled as the bad guy and not many people trust me. My side of things still goes unheard and no one will listen to it anyhow. It will take a while....months....years.....maybe even a lifetime. I wish it was different...but I'm not the one with the power to change things. As of now, you still own a piece of me that I unfortunately won't ever see until I can see Ollie. I'm sorry."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 9, 2009 20:47:07 GMT -5
The silence was deafening.
It lasted longer than she'd expected. She waited, biting her lip, panicked. What would he say? He started, spewing out words, and she made sure to catch and analyze each and every one. Each phrase was different, but the same. They all rang the same bell; all sang the same melody, and it was a song she'd heard many a time. This time, however, seemed significantly different. Altered.
And it completely tore her in two opposite directions.
Her stomach tumbled and she swallowed hard, nodding, trying to accept whatever it was he was feeling. All of it. He didn't forgive her. He didn't...forgive her. And it was her fault. Well, wasn't it?
"I..." The words themselves were choked. What to say? She cut him deep, and somehow Amarie wasn't fully healing the wound. And she didn't have time to ask him again... He'd be gone, and she'd...
"Okay," she whispered, nodding, trying to be definitive. It hurt to meet his eyes again, knowing her own were welled up with tears. "I'm sorry," she reiterated breathlessly.
"Didn't deserve..." That was a singular opinion; "birds of a feather burn together, but as a rule ravens are singular." Margaret Atwood seemed to ring in her head. Was he the raven, or was she? Did they burn together; were they similar? both cruel to each other?
Did she have the time to repent and make up for it?
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Oct 9, 2009 21:05:36 GMT -5
"I'm sorry...really I am...but I can't....you know....I'm not....I'm not welcome here in New York anymore...I was meaning to get away even before Amarie." Saikoro added, looking away. He couldn't just forget all the things Emma had done to him....all the pain she had put upon him....all those times she carved into his heart like it was her own sculpture to fiddle with as she liked. She had cut him not just deep, but all the way through. However, Sai wasn't angry with her exactly.
He was just hurt. Not to mention, he knew Emma probably didn't even know all the ways she had traumatized him. If she could name them, that would be a miracle.....maybe even prove that she really was sorry. But right now, how was he to know she wouldn't accidentally slip in a rude comment? How was he to know that when the time came, Ollie would desire to see him? What if that time came and Ollie just didn't find it important to meet his true father? That would simply be because Emma wouldn't allow to see him all those years and his significance in Oliver's live had dwindled into nothing.
He swallowed, starring at her teary eyes and feeling half of himself want to hug her. But he didn't. He simply stood there. Why should he comfort her? He was the one who had suffered......he was the victim. Slowly, he shifted his feet a bit and then sighed. "We'll tell you when we find somewhere to go....so...you'd know where we'd be...if not, I'm sure Am would send you letters...or phone calls." He added with a shrug.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 9, 2009 21:22:16 GMT -5
The victim... There didn't seem to be just one in this movie. There was no set antagonist or protagonist. The roles were...jumbled. Blurred. Uncertain. They had both done things to each other that no one should have to go through--a heartbreaking separation, with a child included; a kidnapping; a so-called death--and it was hard for them to just "kiss and make up," as they said. There was just so, so much time behind them...
He was quiet for a long time again. All the while, she was trying to bite back her tears. He just couldn't leave. Whatever was drawing her to having him stay, it was strong. She didn't know what it was. Maybe it was the want to have the option open for Ollie to someday visit him and have easy access if he wanted to keep an open relationship. Maybe it was she'd never been a day without knowing he was in the city. Maybe she was just ready for him to get out and didn't want to admit it.
She sniffed, running a hand over her hair. "Yeah," she muttered, looking down. She needed to say something, but...what? "I'll...see..."
No, that'd be lying.
"At least say you're not angry with me?"
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Oct 9, 2009 21:43:28 GMT -5
"At least say you're not angry with me?"
He raised a brow and then shook his head. "No...no, of course I'm not angry with you. I got over being angry around the 17th time with that butcher kn--" He stopped there and bit his lip. "What I mean is, I'm not angry. I'm just....hurt....traumatized really. It feels as though I've been run through a physical emotional meat grinder and.....I'm sorry. I just......he's a part of me...and I feel like, some of me is locked away from me....like someone sold a piece of me without asking."
He sighed and then felt some cold chill come over him. He glanced around, but saw no one...nothing. It was just them. Saikoro then looked at her, hoping that she wouldn't cry. Sighing, he was at lost on what to do. He leaned forward, hesitantly wiping her tears away with his finger, not sure if this action might cost him a limb or his head. "D-Do.....do you need a....um...hug?"
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 9, 2009 21:48:41 GMT -5
Her weight became unevenly distributed as she faltered in her stance when he stopped that one sentence short. Swallowing, she deliberately sent the baby oceans of calming emotions, so to prevent any further disturbances in its movements, knowing that the emotions around her were sending her own in a tailspin. This was harder than she'd thought...
"Sold a piece of me without asking..."
"No," she answered softly, shaking her head. "No, it's not like that at all..." But how wrong could she be? Was she just...being defensive? This had to be thought over. She couldn't go through until May without settling this inside herself.
Scoffing, she didn't retaliate when he wiped away her tears. "No," she chuckled. "Thank you."
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Post by Zarael on Oct 9, 2009 22:07:22 GMT -5
"Aww....isn't this an adorable little couple? Oh wait, Ex-couple.....forgot that you slayed him with those words....what were they again?" A chilling yet entrancing voice seemed to whisper from behind them. The voice got louder, but no one was seen, for the keeper of the voice remained invisible. He softly leaned close to Emma, lips barely touching her ear as he spoke. "You don't really still love him, now do you? Hahaha.....pitiful. You always were weak, Emmanuelle Sophie Maier."
Still hidden, he wrapped a hand around Saikoro's shoulder. "Oh, and what a pleasure to see you, Saiky. Did you miss me? OH of course you did....you were dumb enough to pretend to be me while Azrael feasted on your brain, huh? Idiot......you knew I'd come back some day, didn't you Saiky?"
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Oct 9, 2009 22:22:52 GMT -5
"No," she answered softly, shaking her head. "No, it's not like that at all...
Truthfully, it was. At least, it felt as though it was. "It feels that way, Emma.....it feels like because of my absence, I lost the privilege to see him. It feels as though all I am....is....well....a sperm-doner." He sighed and then he heard that voice. He gasped and then immediately pulled Emma uncomfortably close to him just in normal response.
"Oh, and what a pleasure to see you, Saiky. Did you miss me? OH of course you did....you were dumb enough to pretend to be me while Azrael feasted on your brain, huh? Idiot......you knew I'd come back some day, didn't you Saiky?"
"You do not exist...you're dead. You came to Earth and you died. You're not real......go away, leave us alone. I will not let you harm anyone." He said firmly, eyes shifting around in hopes to find the location of this past demon.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Oct 9, 2009 22:27:26 GMT -5
But he wasn't just a donar--Oliver was an accident. No, he wasn't an accident. The pregnancy was unexpected, never an accident. Accident meant they'd intended something to happen but something else came of it instead. That wasn't it at all.
A sudden chilling voice made her look behind them, expecting a person to be there. She took a step away, brows furrowed, wondering how the voice knew her name. What kind of creeps were walking around New York City, anyway? Surely she'd seen her fill of them for a lifetime.
Their banter confused her further, as well as being clutched to Saikoro's side. She inched her way into a more comfortable hold, so she wasn't in a death grip.
"That's Emmanuelle Sophie Lawrence, to you," she corrected bitterly. Clearly it was another one of Saikoro's many tormenters. "Come inside, Sai." But, was it safe to take the chance of this omen following Sai into her apartment, and potentially putting Cian and Ollie in danger? "Get lost," she sighed to the so-called 'dead' spirit. She was tired of dealing with this.
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