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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 1:42:48 GMT -5
Biting her lip, she wondered what Cian must be feeling. Her Empathy was quite preoccupied with Hell at the moment, and she figured it would be for some time, so she couldn't exactly use that and know it would be accurate enough for her liking. But all of this had to take its toll on Cian, too, didn't it? Part of her wanted to not be so open with how she felt--didn't want to always be the one in need of comforting. What about other people? First a traumatic pregnancy, and now this... It was enough.
Giving a soft smile to her husband, she nodded, breaking away, starting to walk with him down the sidewalk, wondering where they were going to go now. If ghosts existed, and Hell existed, why not God, then? Where was God in the face of all of this? Hiding? Every one else was showing themselves--why not Almighty Himself? It just wasn't adding up.
Is He going to let us suffer? Will He ever intervene?
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 1:48:00 GMT -5
He returned the smile, albeit anemically. They walked a few minutes more before Cian abruptly turned. Walking them the other way, he asked, "D'you mind if we just go home?" he asked, passing her a sheepish look. He found he just wanted to be in his house with his family: his wife and son and daughter.
His fingers stroked over her side, just to let her know he was still right there next to her. His breathing was still shaky and his movements held the hint of a jerk. He wasn't okay, not yet. Just time...
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 1:57:06 GMT -5
His voice cut into the dead silence of the road at this hour, however noisy New York City usually was. Tonight seemed unusually mellow. "No," she replied passively, shrugging. Home sounded good, maybe. Unsure, she weighed out the other possibilities--a walk could cleanse her brain more, but that was taking a chance. There were no guarantees with her walks. And there was nowhere else to really go. For some reason, she'd been wanting to pay Harmony a visit--pay her respects, even apologize for kissing Dean almost a year ago.
Sensing the man's tenseness, she put her fingers together with his at her side, drawing closer and wrapping her own arm around his middle. Something was still bothering him, but she didn't have the courage to ask him what it was directly.
"Tired?" she tried instead.
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 2:03:31 GMT -5
He jumped a little at her touch but didn't reject it. He leaned into her but kept his eyes and face forward. His free hand rose to tug the brim of the fedora lower over his eyes before he realized he wasn't wearing a hat. Damn. He swallowed and shook his head to her question, but remained silent. His feet shuffled slowly as if only because they knew they had to; there was no force of will behind the action.
He almost opened his mouth to say something but abruptly disconnected that thought. He didn't know what he would say and, even if he did, he wouldn't know which words to use to say it. His empty hand once more started a path up, this time to rub at his neck, but he cut it off. Redirecting his hand to his pocket, he glanced at the nearest street sign. Just four more blocks till home. He was suddenly anxious, eager for the familiar setting.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 2:13:03 GMT -5
All right. Now she desperately needed her kids.
Cian was being oddly uptight, wouldn't talk about it, and seemingly had a strong longing to get home as quickly as possible. It didn't take long for the seed of worry to be planted in her, and it was already on its way to blossoming at the top. Soon she wouldn't be able to let him handle this on her own. There were some things she knew she had to step into, or else they were just going to fester in him for years and he'd never talk about them.
They got home without breaking the silence once. Immediately, they were greeted by warm welcomes from Oliver (who chose to go to Cian first while Emma received Mo from Essence) and Essie, and she and Essence went through how they did, how much she wanted to be paid, insisting that she had to be paid, settling for no less than some-odd number, and then good-bye's and hugs and all that.
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 2:18:55 GMT -5
The minute they stepped through the door, Cian sought out his son. He passed a brief smile and nod of acknowledgement to Essence but directly after that, Oliver came up to him. Cian caught him in his standard hug, but held on much longer. Keeping the boy tight to his chest, he hid his face against Oliver's neck. He took a shaky inhale and then let it out again.
Fingers playing in the boy's hair, he murmured, "Daddy loves you Ollie. You know that, right? I love you." He needed him to know it. Something about...today. It had just brought his own mortality into perspective. He had almost lost the love of his life, he had lost his best friend. Death was real and around them. And he didn't want to waste any time.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 2:23:30 GMT -5
The interaction between father and son was something Emma had seen many times, but this occurence seemed different in some way. Perhaps it was that she was keeping a careful eye on Cian, as if he could just burst at any moment and let all of his hidden emotions fall out. Or maybe it was the jealousy she had of Cian, knowing that she was no longer number one in Oliver's life. Which...was probably good. Ollie needed a father; she'd been looking for a father for him, and...she got one.
Essence had done the favor of putting Mo in her pajamas, and she wondered if Cian would want to pull himself away from his son for a moment to say goodnight to her. The two boys seemed so engrossed in each other, that she figured that if he wanted to say goodnight, he could come in the room while she tucked her in.
Kissing the baby's forehead, she watched her sleep against her, peaceful, like there wasn't a trouble about the world, all because she had Momma and Daddy and was home. "Love you, Maura Erin."
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 2:35:03 GMT -5
Cian pulled from his son, chuckling softly. His eyes were rimmed in red but no tears had fallen. He swallowed and pressed a kiss to Oliver's cheek. "Thank you, lad. It's good to hear." Looking up he saw that Emma must've taken Maura to bed. "Let's go say goodnight to your sister, yeah?" His voice was a little airy, but he strode confidently toward the room.
Emma was standing over Maura in the crib, saying goodnight. Padding up to his wife, Cian laid a kiss to her cheek. Then he bowed forward, stroking Maura's cheek a little and kissing her forehead softly. Maura only yawned widely in response and batted harmlessly at her father's cheek. He smiled softly and straightened up.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 2:39:06 GMT -5
After nodding and being brought into the nursery, Oliver watched intently as Maura was said goodnight to, and wondered if she knew what goodnight was. He peeked over in her crib and saw the teddy bear he'd gotten her at the hospital. Yes, everyone who had a teddy bear knew was goodnight was, and knew how to get and give a goodnight kiss.
"Goo' night, Mo-Mo," he said softly, leaning down with over-pursed lips to plant a ginger kiss on her forehead. "Night night." He put his cheek by her mouth, but nothing happened. "Daddy," he complained innocently, "she no geeve goo' night kiss."
---
Allowing Cian and Oliver their kisses, Emma didn't put Maura down yet. She just wanted to hold her, rock her--do the things she hadn't thought she was going to do. In the hospital, this was just a fantasy, holding her baby. She wanted to soak up every minute it was a reality.
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 2:47:03 GMT -5
"She's a little too young yet, Ollie," Cian explained absently. "Mo doesn't know how to give a goodnight kiss. That's why we've got to give one to her every night, so she can learn." That sounded legitimate, right? Cian cuddled close to the boy a minute. He wished Oliver wasn't too big to share a bed with Mommy and Daddy still, like he had about a year ago. Cian felt he needed his family close to him that night.
Peering over Oliver's head, he saw that Emma was completely wrapped up in tending to Maura. He smiled softly and hefted his son a little higher on his hip. "Think it's gettin' close to your bed time to, lad. C'mon." He padded to Oliver's room, setting the little boy on the bed as he moved to get his pajamas.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 2:52:24 GMT -5
Too young to give a goodnight kiss? That was so sad. Oliver nodded solemnly, taking his index finger and making an "x" over his heart--he crossed his heart to teach Maura how to give a goodnight kiss. He'd teach her. He would teach her. He was her big brother. That was what he was supposed to do.
Bouncing happily on the bed, liking the way it gave a few familiar squeaks that seemed to just call his name to the bed and get a good sleep, Oliver put his arms up in the air for Daddy to take his shirt off. "Tuh-wain tuh-wacks!" he requested for his pajamas.
---
Good--Cian was relaxing now. More or less, anyway. Giving Mo's cheek one last stroke with the back of her fingers, she kissed her head before placing her in her cradle, leaving the room but keeping the door slightly ajar.
The boys in Ollie's room seemed to be having a fine time. Unable to decide if she should go in or not, Emma first went in to make up her and Cian's bed before daring to enter Oliver's room. "All ready for bed, kiddo?" she asked, hoping to brighten her smile for him.
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 13:20:18 GMT -5
Cian grinned, pulling out the requested pajamas. "Here you go, bud." He had the littly boy changed in short order and sat next to him on the bed. Emma entered then and he passed her a gentle smile. "All done," he drawled out, both to her and Oliver. "Time for you t' get to sleep now." Lifting his son up, he set him down in bed, tucking him in.
Kneeling, Cian smiled down at him. "Night, Ollie," he murmured softly, brushing his fingers over his forehead. "Sleep well."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 15:45:25 GMT -5
Emma sat at the foot of his bed, reaching to draw a hand over the soft hairs on their boy's head. Oliver leaned into the touch, shutting his eyes and giving off a loud, but satisfied, sigh. He wrapped one arm around her wrist, and one around Cian's, perfectly content to fall asleep with them there the whole night.
"Night night," he answered wistfully, breathing deeply and fully now as he started to drift off. Gazing on him, Emma swallowed, never wanting to pull away.
And something was still bothering Cain, she just knew it.
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 20:52:23 GMT -5
Cian let out a contented sigh, grinning a little at Oliver hugged his and Emma's arms. "Night, love," he murmured. After a moment, soft chuckled fell from him. Wiggling his hand a little, he looked up to Emma. "Looks like we're trapped here," he joked in undertone, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy.
He might be all right with spending the night with Oliver and Emma. But with Maura, it didn't feel right.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 20:58:16 GMT -5
Looking up at him, she tried to smile, wondering why his feelings were changing so constantly, and where they were going or coming from. Slowly wiggling her hand from Oliver's loosening grasp, Emma stood back up, brushing herself off for no reason at all. It seemed like Oliver had grown close to Cian, so maybe he should spend the night with him--maybe it would help ease whatever troublesome emotions Cian was trying to ignore.
A soft whimper started in the other room and Emma let her head hang back. This was going to be a long night. If she couldn't get to bed now, there was no way she was going to get sleep later. Wandering into Maura's room, she scooped her up.
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 21:05:52 GMT -5
Cian's brow fell at her anemic smile, catching on that she was thinking something over. As it was, if he couldn't have both his girls and his boy with him, he'd rather just have his girl, his Emma. Oliver turned over a little in his sleep as his mother left. Cian smiled softly at the sleeping boy before pulling from him. Dropping a soft kiss to his forehead, Cian exited the room, following Emma.
Once in Maura's room, watched as she picked their daughter up, cradling her. A smile came to his face immediately. Moving behind her, Cian put his arms around Emma's waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. He watched as Maura's little eyes blinked, looking from her Momma to her Daddy and back again. Gurgling quietly, she reached for Momma's hand and put the first to fingers in her mouth, sucking on the tips absently.
Cian grinned down at the little girl and then turned his face into Emma's neck, inhaling her scent. He was good. He was home with his family; everything that had been roiling inside him was settling. He chuckled softly, removing his face again. "Gonna have to come up with a lullaby for Mo, huh?" he commented absently, voice low to fit with the night around them.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 21:13:53 GMT -5
The sudden warmth behind her drew her closer. Her fingers in Maura's toothless mouth made her softly smile down at her, whispering a few ginger words to try to lull her back to sleep. Not that she minded, really. She enjoyed looking down upon her baby, following her eyes and being engulfed by her content emotions. It was Cian that really made her confused. Had he not just been near tears in the church? Now he was back to his nonchalant, aloof self.
The movement of their daughter blew out the flame of worry burning over her like a summer breeze blowing right over her. Emma smiled to her husband, shrugging the shoulder he wasn't leaning on. "If you want to, sure," she replied.
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 21:25:50 GMT -5
"She'll get jealous of her big brother, otherwise," he reasoned. Smiling down at Maura, he waited till he had caught her eyes before popping his lips at her softly. She cocked her head curiously and he did it again. She grinned then reached one hand toward his face, keeping the other one over Momma's hand.
He couldn't explain his shift in emotion. His panic and discomfort outside the church had come from the desperate need to see his children. Now that he had and was assured of their well-being and his position in their lives... He was all right. For now, at least.
He tugged Emma closer to him, nosing against the soft spot behind her ear affectionately.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 14, 2009 22:20:38 GMT -5
((Skipping))
It was late. Later than she wanted it to be. An hour earlier she'd put Maura back to bed for the third time, so it was only a matter of time before she'd wake up again. Tonight she wanted to be the one to get up every time, and not make Cian do it. A good sleep was what he needed, even if he was feeling calmer or had his craving for his children's presence indulged.
And poor Cian. After scaring him half to death with this pregnancy, would he ever want to have more? Kids, he'd said. Not kid. Perhaps she was reading too much into what he was saying, but the man came from a huge, Irish family. Although she, too, wasn't sure how the birth of any more children would go over, she couldn't help but be disappointed at the idea of never having more.
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Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 15, 2009 3:52:52 GMT -5
Cian startled awake, jerking a little and inhaling sharply. Bad dream, baaaad dream. He closed his eyes, running a hand over his face. But it was just a dream, only a dream. It wasn't real. The city wasn't on fire, it wasn't Armageddon. Everyone he knew wasn't dead. He let out a slow, even breath and rolled onto his side, hoping to fall back asleep. In shifting, though, he face Emma and saw that she was awake.
"Em-n-em?" he asked sleepily, words slurring a little. "Everything, all right?" She didn't look upset, really. Just...pensive. Well, that was Emma; thinking things over and over and over...
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