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Post by Colette on Dec 26, 2009 0:02:17 GMT -5
Please.. pass me the jackWhat hurts the mostShe couldn't do it anymore.. Everyone was staring at her after laura ran away. Wondering how and if she'd crack.. Well, they were right. She cracked..
She didn't even have shoes on as she stormed out the door in the middle of the night. She placed a shield around her, walking down to Belleza--her only escape.
She could take alot of things, but losing her eldest.. and the scare of Charles.. Her eyes filled quickly with tears as she went from a slow walk to a full run.
She slammed the door behind her, leaning against it as she broke down into tears. She covered her mouth as she let out a aggrivated cry. She couldn't do this.. how could she be strong when all she thought about was Laura?
Was she safe? Was she cold? Was she lonely? Did she even miss her parents? She slowly slid down the door into a fetal position. She just.. couldn't do it anymore..
She couldn't force a smile to everyone anymore. She couldn't act like everything was okay.. "Laauuraa..."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Dec 26, 2009 0:22:04 GMT -5
Ainslie was still awake when the brisk knock came to her door. Pushing the papers she had been flipping through to the side, she rose from her desk and moved to the door. Opening it, she saw Josslyn there looking concerned and a little frightened. "What's up, Jossie?" she asked. "Colette," she said, chin trembling. "She just stormed in and she's...not well. I think you should go talk to her." Ainslie nodded immediately, stepping into the hall. "Where is she?" Josslyn gestured to the foyer and Ainslie placed a hand on her shoulder. "Thanks, honey. You should get to bed, it's late. I'll take care of Colette." As the younger girl huddled into herself and moved to her room, Ainslie headed for the foyer and Colette. Seeing her close friend crumpled on the floor made Ainslie's face go slack with empathy. "Oh, Co-Lee," she hummed, copying the kid's name for her. She sunk to her knees in front of the other woman. Stroking Colette's mussed hair away from her face, she helped her friend to stand. "Come on, honey. Let's go have a nice long talk with Jim, John and Jose, huh?" Sometimes you just needed a talk, sometimes you just needed a cry, sometimes you just needed a drink. Sometimes you needed all three; and Ainslie had a feeling this was one of those times.
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Post by Colette on Dec 26, 2009 0:31:32 GMT -5
"Oh, Co-Lee,"
She felt Ainslie pushing her hair from her face. She couldn't even form words.. all she wanted to do was crawl into a black hole and die. She couldn't believe this was happening. Everyone looked at her as if she was the strongest woman on the earth; just goes to show, sometimes things aren't what they seem. Slowly, and with Ainslie's help, she stood. She starred down at her non-shoed feet, and smiled faintly. "I have no shoes."
"Come on, honey. Let's go have a nice long talk with Jim, John and Jose, huh?"
She nodded, wiping at her face as they headed into the kitchen. The more she thought about everything, the more she just wanted to crawl into a bed and sleep, cry, and sleep some more. She was locked in a dark and deep depression.
"Laura.." The moment the name escaped her lips, the tears came. "And Charles had a heart attack.. and I..." Her body rocked with sobs. "I can't do this anymore, Ains.. I can't."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Dec 26, 2009 1:01:40 GMT -5
"I have no shoes." Ainlie chuckled faintly at that observation but was still worried. "D'you want some socks or something?" she offered absently. She wasn't sure if Colette was complaining or just stating something obvious to avoid the other, more painful matters at hand.
Once inside the kitchen, Ainslie sat Colette down on the plush window seat. It was Ainslie's favorite place for long conversations; it was cozy, comfortable, and just private enough. Using her telekinesis, she retrieved several bottles from the very top cabinet. "Who do you want to start with?" she asked Colette. She took the whiskey for herself, downing a small sip just to get started.
"Laura...And Charles had a heart attack.. and I..." Her body rocked with sobs. "I can't do this anymore, Ains.. I can't." Ainslie reached out, pulling her friend into her arms. "All right, honey."
When Ainslie had been a kid, her youngest brother, Blake, had had a project due the next day; something about doing a description of twenty different species of birds. Of course, Blake had left everything to the ver last minute. He was near tears at facing the seemingly insurmountable task when their father had walked in. He clapped a sturdy hand on Blake's head, ruffling his hair affectionately and had said, 'Just take it bird by bird, Blake. One at a time till you're done.' Ainslie took that approach with Colette now, even though she was getting panicked at what Colette was spewing.
"Let's take this one thing at a time, Co-Lee," Ainslie instructed gently. "First of all, is...is Charles all right?" He had to be. He just had to be. If he wasn't...Ainslie couldn't even fathom that reality. After assuring that Charles was all right, they could move on to Laura. And after that, Ainslie would just have to convince Colette that she could do this. They could. They had to.
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Post by Colette on Dec 26, 2009 1:11:59 GMT -5
"D'you want some socks or something?"
She shook her head as she pulled her legs up to her chest. Her feet were a little cold. But she was fine on that end of things. It was just everything else, it was all coming at her too quickly. "Who do you want to start with?" Colette reached out a hand for the jack daniels that Ainslie held and took a long swig of it, feeling the burning sensation slither down her throat. She made a face and shook her head as she kept it close.
"Let's take this one thing at a time, Co-Lee," Ainslie instructed gently. "First of all, is...is Charles all right?"
Tears welled in her eyes as she starred at her feet. "I healed him.. the best I could.." She shook her head. "I just can't lose him. He's my rock.. he's what keeps me strong and going on.. and I don't--I just don't know what I'd do without him." She sniffed, wiping at her face as she took another gulp of the brown liquid.
"He says he's fine.. but you know him.." She sighed, dropping her head into Ainslie's lap. The moment she did, the tears came on again, sobs rocking her body. "How I am suppose to do this?"
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Dec 26, 2009 1:25:33 GMT -5
Not one to take booze from a friend in need, Ainslie moved onto the bourbon. As she took slow, steady drinks she listened to Colette tell her what had happened with Charles.
"I just can't lose him. He's my rock.. he's what keeps me strong and going on.. and I don't--I just don't know what I'd do without him." Ainslie put on her strong face for this part. "You're not going to; you're not going to lose him." She might, of course. Especially with everything going on, she might lose him. But that's not what Colette needed to hear right now. Right now, Ainslie needed to talk her friend off the metaphoric bridge. "And whether you do or don't... Well, you'll always have me to help you stand. As well as about a hundred other people fighting to help you." She would never be alone.
Ainslie dipped her fingers into Colette's hair, stroking soothingly. "How I am suppose to do this?" She released a sigh and then shook her head. Eyes downcast, she replied, "Oh, Colette. We'll find a way. Don't we always?" Brushing at her own moist eyes, she added, "If for no other reason to spite Lucifer by staying alive, we'll survive." Or else go down fighting like Hell.
"What... Do you want to tell me about Laura?" she asked tentatively.
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Post by Colette on Dec 26, 2009 1:48:51 GMT -5
"You're not going to; you're not going to lose him."
As she laid there, she tilted the bottle into her mouth and downed even more. She needed this; the booze, the friend, the talk.. She really needed it. She nodded softly as silent tears spilled from her eyes. "I really don't want to think what I'd do if I did.." She whispered.
"And whether you do or don't... Well, you'll always have me to help you stand. As well as about a hundred other people fighting to help you."
Colette looked up at her through blurred vision. She reached out a hand and touched Ainslie's cheek. "I love you, and I love that you're my friend." More tears spilled out as she talked. "I was sitting in the living room, and everyone was just starring at me.. and all I could think about was getting out of there. The only person I wanted to see and talk to was you."
"Oh, Colette. We'll find a way. Don't we always?" Brushing at her own moist eyes, she added, "If for no other reason to spite Lucifer by staying alive, we'll survive."
Lucifer. The name made her insides boil. He brought this all down on them. She made it her new goal to kick his mother fucking ass--or maybe that was the alcohol speaking? At this point, she didn't care. If she wasn't so emotionally troubled at this point, she'd be out there hunting him down.
"What... Do you want to tell me about Laura?"
Colette took a deep breath and held it in a moment as she brought the bottle to her lips again. Slowly, she sat back up, and crossed her legs under her, looking down at the floor. "She's gone.." She whispered softly. "I hate to say this.. but she's the one that caused Charles' heart attack.. I know it's horrible to accuse you're own daughter.. but she left a note.." She closed her eyes as tears fell down.
"She said I tried to make her perfect.."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Dec 26, 2009 2:09:13 GMT -5
"I love you, and I love that you're my friend." More tears spilled out as she talked. "I was sitting in the living room, and everyone was just starring at me.. and all I could think about was getting out of there. The only person I wanted to see and talk to was you."
Ainslie smiled softly, wiping the tears from her friend's face. "And you'll always have me to come to, Co-Lee. And my booze to drink," she joked lamely. Lifting the bourbon again, she took a swig. "I'm glad you came." Sometimes you just really needed to talk, and if you didn't...things got worse. So she was glad Colette had come to her instead of waiting until things got worse and worse...
"She's gone.." She whispered softly. "I hate to say this.. but she's the one that caused Charles' heart attack.. I know it's horrible to accuse you're own daughter.. but she left a note.."
Panic overrode her system to the point where her lungs froze up. "I... Gone? What do you mean gone?" Because "gone" and "left a note" meant one of only two things: ran away or committed suicide. She didn't think it was the latter. Because Colette would have said something sooner. That definitely would have been first on the list. Right? She wasn't sure. She hoped. Laura wouldn' do that. She might be a little temperamental, but she wasn't weak like that (like mother, like daughter).
"She said I tried to make her perfect.."
Ainslie made a face at that, knowing they were treading into some dangerous territory. Not being a mother herself (goddamnit), Ainslie wasn't really sure how to approach this. "I don't know that you tried to make her perfect. You just want the best for her... To a twelve-year-old though... It could be misinterpreted..." How many times had she or one of her brothers or sisters gotten into a fight with their parents because of that exact issue?
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Post by Colette on Dec 26, 2009 2:30:14 GMT -5
"And you'll always have me to come to, Co-Lee. And my booze to drink," she joked lamely. Lifting the bourbon again, she took a swig. "I'm glad you came."
Colette let out a soft laugh, shaking her head. "You and your booze." She mused with a light smile. But if felt forced, and fake. When could she smile again and actually mean it? "I keep thinking to myself; when will I laugh again? Because nothing is funny anymore.. not even Parker and Eliza.."
"I... Gone? What do you mean gone?"
Colette shook her head, the tears managed to stop; the alcohol was finally doing it's job; making her numb. "She ran away." She mumbled, tilting her head back and taking a long swig of the whiskey. "She left after dinner.. Charles was sleeping.. I walked up, tired and sore from the day.." Her eyes closed, seeing everything all over again. "There was a note." She nodded.
"I don't know that you tried to make her perfect. You just want the best for her... To a twelve-year-old though... It could be misinterpreted..."
"It's my fault." She said with a sight, grasping the bottle tightly. "All of it. I wanted her to be.. I don't know." She ran a hand over her eyes. She took a deep breath. "' Mom, i've been fighting with you because you've tried to keep me perfect, and i'm not. I lied my entire life not only to you, but to myself.'" She sighed. "Her exact words.. and I know.." Her brows furropwed. "I know it's my fault."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Dec 26, 2009 2:47:11 GMT -5
"I keep thinking to myself; when will I laugh again? Because nothing is funny anymore.. not even Parker and Eliza.."
Ainslie sighed, knowing how she felt. "It's just for now," she murmured. "It won't be like this forever. Once we get through all this we can get back to our lives." She hoped. She wanted nothing more than for all of this to go away. She wanted her students and loved ones to be safe again. She wanted the sky to not be on fire. Swallowing, she wet her lips lightly.
"We gotta... Parker and Eliza are the future. Parker, Eliza, Laura, Charlie, Molleigh, Logan, Regan, Ollie, Maura... We're doing this for all of them. So that they can live their lives the right way." That familiar sickness in the pit of her stomach appeared, reminding her that she was running out of time for kids of her own. But this wasn't about that; wasn't about her. This was fofr Colette.
"She ran away." That was bad, she knew, but Ainslie felt a wave of relief. It was much better than the alternate. Taking a long drink of the Jim, she listened to the rest, allowing it to sink in.
"I know it's my fault."
"No," Ainslie stated plainly. She took the bottle from her friend and looked firmly in her eyes. "This is not your fault, Colette. Laura made a decision. You were only trying to be her mother and there's nothing wrong with that. You can't blame yourself for this." She blew out a soft sigh. "You can't be responsible for everything bad that happens in the world. Otherwise you breakdown like this. Which is fine for now but one day you might not be able to pick yourself up from it. And... I don't want to see that happen."
Pushing down tears, Ainslie admitted, "You're the one keeping me strong, Co-Lee. If you break beyond repair then so do I."
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Post by Colette on Dec 26, 2009 2:58:15 GMT -5
"It's just for now," she murmured. "It won't be like this forever. Once we get through all this we can get back to our lives."
Colette bit at her bottom lip. She hoped that was true. She should just go hunt down the devil and kick his ass for causing all this. Fucker.. Damn it. She let out a sigh and nodded, grabbing the bottle again and taking a chug. "Jack is.. the best.. man." She smiled softly.
"We gotta... Parker and Eliza are the future. Parker, Eliza, Laura, Charlie, Molleigh, Logan, Regan, Ollie, Maura... We're doing this for all of them. So that they can live their lives the right way."
Colette nodded once more. "You're right.." But there was all of this horrible stuff happening to the people she loved. Harmony.. Oh god.. "I should have invited Dean.." She said slowly. "I feel so bad for him.. and Harm and the kids.." Her head swayed back and forth before it fell down a moment. "Alcohol is kicking.. in."
"No," Ainslie stated plainly. She took the bottle from her friend and looked firmly in her eyes. "This is not your fault, Colette. Laura made a decision. You were only trying to be her mother and there's nothing wrong with that. You can't blame yourself for this." She blew out a soft sigh. "You can't be responsible for everything bad that happens in the world. Otherwise you breakdown like this. Which is fine for now but one day you might not be able to pick yourself up from it. And... I don't want to see that happen."
She huffed out a laugh. "I'm such a downer, Ains. Why do you put up with me?" It was the alcohol speaking, but she half meant that as well. "You're my best friend. I love you." She smiled, bringing her into an awkward hug.
"You're the one keeping me strong, Co-Lee. If you break beyond repair then so do I."
That made her laugh. She shook her head. "Don't break, Ains.. I'd dunk.. want.. whatever." She laughed. "I can't get it out..." She took another chug, and set the bottle aside. "So.. besides.. my wife falling apart-- yes, I said wife-- how are things going here?"
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Dec 26, 2009 3:14:32 GMT -5
"Jack is.. the best.. man."
Ainslie laughed lightly and saluted with her own bottle. "I'm rather fond of Jimmy myself." As if to prove her point, she took a deep swallow down.
"I should have invited Dean.." She said slowly. "I feel so bad for him.. and Harm and the kids.." Ainslie's eyes grew wide at that. "Why? Something happen? Are they all okay?" She didn't want more death, pain, sadness... Especially not to Dean and his family. If anyone deserved a little happiness (finally) it was the Winchesters...
"I'm such a downer, Ains. Why do you put up with me?"Ainslie just shrugged, laughing. "If you're a downer, so am I. And please, after dealing with even half my students day after day, you're easy." She laughed again, grinning,. "Even a drunk you." "You're my best friend. I love you." Ainslie returned the embrace easily. Squeezing her a little, she released. "I love you too, CoCo." Ainslie was able to hold her alcohol just a little bit sturdier than Colette, but the effects of the alcohol were still starting to sink in.
Ainslie laughed at her friend's drunken-ness and laughed. Feigning a nonchalant face and tone, she said, "Oh, you know. Not much. End of the world, mass hysteria." Chuckling, she rubbed at her nose. "My students are all rebounds." She burst into giggles at that, rushing to add, "I mean that in the best possible way. I love them all and so do those guys. But Jossie's with Cain, after Amarie. Evangeline and Shames have something going on, with Corona gone."
She perked a brow then and let out a sigh. Raising the bottle to her lips, she added, "And I am alone..." before taking another drink.
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Post by Colette on Dec 30, 2009 4:30:55 GMT -5
"Why? Something happen? Are they all okay?"
She shook her head slowly, even seeing the images in her head now made her want to cry. "They don't deserve any of this.. How are things ever gonna be the same? When things will never be the same in that household?" She closes her eyes and leaned her head against the bottle. "Harmony.." He voice squeaked slightly. "She's paralyzed from the waist down.. I couldn't--couldn't heal her"
"Oh, you know. Not much. End of the world, mass hysteria." Chuckling, she rubbed at her nose. "My students are all rebounds." She burst into giggles at that, rushing to add, "I mean that in the best possible way. I love them all and so do those guys. But Jossie's with Cain, after Amarie. Evangeline and Shames have something going on, with Corona gone." She perked a brow then and let out a sigh. Raising the bottle to her lips, she added, "And I am alone..."
Colette furrowed her brows. "You are not alone." She pointed at her. "You have me, and Vera.. and Charles.. and.." She was going to say Laura. But she couldn't find it in herself to bring it up. "You have me. Cause if your a rooster, I'm a rooster. Or something..."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Dec 30, 2009 4:42:19 GMT -5
"They don't deserve any of this.. How are things ever gonna be the same? When things will never be the same in that household?" Ainslie laced her fingers together, not sure she wanted to hear this... She found herself holding her breath. Waiting for the worse. "Harmony.." He voice squeaked slightly. "She's paralyzed from the waist down.. I couldn't--couldn't heal her" Ainslie blew out a long breath, tears threatening. At least she was alive. At least they were all alive. But still... "Poor Harm. Poor Dean... Poor... poor everyone." Looking up, she met Colette's eyes. "Poor me and you, too."
"You are not alone." She pointed at her. "You have me, and Vera.. and Charles.. and.." It wasn't the same. It wasn't someone to hold her as the world fel apart around them. But she did appreciate all her friends. She did love them all the same. So she mustered up a smile and nodded to Colette. "You have me. Cause if your a rooster, I'm a rooster. Or something..."
Ainslie couldn't help but laugh at that. "And we can be roosters together and crow as the dawn breaks!" She lifted her hand with the bottle up as if in celebration and took another good swallow. Coughing a little, she wiped at her mouth with her wrist. "They're scared though," she said in a low, solemn voice. "Everyone with me. They're all really scared of what's going to happen..." She couldn't admit it, but Ainslie was a little scared too.
Only a little.
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Post by Colette on Jan 4, 2010 10:34:49 GMT -5
"And we can be roosters together and crow as the dawn breaks!" She lifted her hand with the bottle up as if in celebration and took another good swallow. Coughing a little, she wiped at her mouth with her wrist. "They're scared though," she said in a low, solemn voice. "Everyone with me. They're all really scared of what's going to happen..."
Colette grinned softly at the first statement, but it quickly diminished at the subject and matter at hand. "I know." She took a deep breath and held it a moment before letting it all woosh out at once. "It is scary, not knowing what's going to happen. I don't.. I don't know what to tell them anymore.. to make them feel better.."
She looked over at Ainslie. "I feel broken." She said softly, placing a hand over her heart. "Really.." Tears welled in her eyes. "Really broken." She hung her head a moment, letting the silence drift between them.
"So.. I don't know." She popped up again a moment later, wiping at her wet eyes.
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Jan 4, 2010 16:43:55 GMT -5
"It is scary, not knowing what's going to happen. I don't.. I don't know what to tell them anymore.. to make them feel better.." Ainslie nodded, agreeing. "Yeah, it's...hard." She chuckled, aware that the simple word didn't even begin to cover everything. "Me either," she agreed. "Tough being on top, huh? Everyone looking to us..." And she was just a professor. Colette was only that too but... She seemed to be the top of the mutant society. If they had their own president, Colette would certainly be it. To Ainslie, she seemed to have a bigger burden. "We'll get through it, though," she repeated. "We always do and this won't be any different." She was confident. She had to be, but she also truly believed.
"I feel broken." She said softly, placing a hand over her heart. "Really.." Tears welled in her eyes. "Really broken." Ainslie pressed her lips together, feeling Colette's pain. "Poor CoCo," she hummed softly. Opening her arms, she pulled her friend into an embrace. "It's hard now, I know. But things will get better. You raised Laura strong; she'll be okay. And Charles will be fine. So will Dean and Harmony and...everyone. Everyone will be okay. Everything will be okay."
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Post by Colette on Jan 5, 2010 15:13:29 GMT -5
"Yeah, it's...hard." She chuckled, aware that the simple word didn't even begin to cover everything. "Me either," she agreed. "Tough being on top, huh? Everyone looking to us..."
Colette nodded slowly. "They got no idea. They all think it's so.. easy. But it's not. Most days you just want to scream at the kids running around and then you are beyond thankful for the five minutes of quiet which ends up getting interrupted by a teacher or student or just.. someone new."
. "We'll get through it, though," she repeated. "We always do and this won't be any different."
Colette smiled softly, a bit wobbly as she sighed. "Can only hope." Her smoothed her lips together and looked to Ainslie, letting her bottle touch the other woman's in a some what solemn salute. "All we can do, Ains."
"It's hard now, I know. But things will get better. You raised Laura strong; she'll be okay. And Charles will be fine. So will Dean and Harmony and...everyone. Everyone will be okay. Everything will be okay."
Colette grew silent, thoughts slipping in and out of her. Slowly she laughed. "Figures, it takes the end of the world to bring mutants and humans together."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Jan 5, 2010 15:27:24 GMT -5
"They got no idea. They all think it's so.. easy. But it's not. Most days you just want to scream at the kids running around and then you are beyond thankful for the five minutes of quiet which ends up getting interrupted by a teacher or student or just.. someone new."
Ainslie barked out a laugh, nodding. Tipping her bottle to her lips, she took another long drink. "Tell me about it. But..." She pursed her lips together, rethinking it. "It's nice. I love my kids lots and I cherish the time I have with them. I learn more just from dealing with them than I ever did in school." Thinking back to the recent talk she had with Josslyn that ended with the both of them breaking into a giggling fit, she smiled softly. "It's nice," she concluded softly, suddenly sad.
"Can only hope. All we can do, Ains."
Ainslie returned the soft smile and nodded. Tapping her bottle neck to his, she gave a little sigh. "'Course, CoCo."
"Figures, it takes the end of the world to bring mutants and humans together." Ainslie chuckled again, nodding. "It would be, huh?" She shook her head a little. "Crazy world we're in."
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Post by Colette on Jan 5, 2010 15:34:05 GMT -5
"Tell me about it. But..." She pursed her lips together, rethinking it. "It's nice. I love my kids lots and I cherish the time I have with them. I learn more just from dealing with them than I ever did in school." Thinking back to the recent talk she had with Josslyn that ended with the both of them breaking into a giggling fit, she smiled softly. "It's nice,"
Colette watched her, and could only close her eyes. "I think it's time I start asking the big questions." She blew out a breath, raking a hand through her hair. Her nerves were already on end, so this was just pushing it. "I use to feel the same way. Sitting down and talking to my students was the highlight of my day.."
She let her eyes stay closed. "But now all I can think about is; Is this still what I want? Can I continue to do this for the next seven years?" Her brows furrowed as her eyes fluttered open. She tipped back the bottle and took a long drink. "Life has a way of changing the things you thought you wanted and what you do want."
"It would be, huh?" She shook her head a little. "Crazy world we're in."
Colette giggled. "God, I'm such a downer, Ains." She shook her head, smile not faltering at that. And just when did I get this way? She pondered.
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Jan 5, 2010 15:49:36 GMT -5
"I think it's time I start asking the big questions. I use to feel the same way. Sitting down and talking to my students was the highlight of my day.."
Ainslie's brow furrowed as she listened to her friend speak. That didn't sound good. If Colette wasn't getting the same enjoyment from her job as she used to... "Are you..." she said, but let it trail off. She decided not to say anything yet, just let Colette work it out her own. But was Colette really thinking of quiting? Another frown passed over her face.
"But now all I can think about is; Is this still what I want? Can I continue to do this for the next seven years? Life has a way of changing the things you thought you wanted and what you do want."
Ainslie nodded and thought on it a minute more. "Well... Maybe you should take a break? After all this is over, you could go on a sabbatical. Take a year or two off and just focus on your family, yourself. You've got Eloise as your assistant, right? She could take over things. And you know all your teachers would help out, as would I and Vera and Axel." She frowned a bit. It would be hard without Colette running Biella. But it wasn't like she would be dropping off the face of the earth. She would still be there to be her friend.
"God, I'm such a downer, Ains.
"Ah, we're all downers," Ainslie consoled her with a shrug. "Comes with the job, I think. And the age." Her eyes dropped to the bottle in her lap. "And the booze. That too."
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