|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 3, 2010 22:34:42 GMT -5
[/url] Opting for the long way, Emma cut through a few shrubs to duck into the backyard of Rosewood, hoping to catch a few friendly faces. She lifted her bag from the crook of her elbow to her shoulder, catching the cool autumn breeze in her hair. It wasn't cold out, but they weren't exactly sitting in blazing heat, either. You could still debate with whether or not to take a taxi with this crazy weather. Sometimes it would downpour, other times it would be bright and cloudless. Today happened to be the latter, which was why she was making her way through the Rosewood grounds. From a short distance away, she caught the sight of the back of the head of brown locks. The hair belonged to a hidden face that possessed a robust figure--tall, fierce, strong. She recognized it in an instant. She guessed that's just what happens when you know somebody like she knew Sai. Roughly toying with the idea of approaching him, she cleared her throat, hoping to somehow catch his attention. Emma didn't know why. And even as she passed him she wouldn't be able to answer it. A small section of her mind couldn't wait for Ollie to make his decision about seeing his father. Then she was grimly reminded that that meant telling him the truth about his biology. Emma realized that after doomsday had occured, she started to notice the good things. The simple things. Summertime. Music. Fireworks. Family. Memories. And it especially made her think about the good times she'd had with Saikoro, however few and however small. She didn't like knowing her best friend was in the arms of the man whose arms she'd been in. She didn't like knowing her best friend kissed the lips she kissed. She didn't like knowing her best friend was making love to the father of her first child. Wholeheartedly, she regretted not letting him down easier. She was glad she left him, but she knew his pain was partially her fault. She wanted to help him through it. It was her responsibility. And after seeing the world almost end? It was time to make up for it.
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 4, 2010 18:03:08 GMT -5
The days had been rather hectic lately. Amarie didn't seem to be feeling all that well, so he was stuck taking care of three triplets, three other little kids, and a rather hyper dog. Yet, his face looked completely well rested. Sometimes, he didn't know how he actually managed to juggle children and his job, with his blindness coming and going. But hey, he liked being a father. Saikoro couldn't really remember a time in his life where he didn't want to be one. Well, come to think of things, there was a time when he wished he had never made the mistake of wanting to be one. But that was so long ago. Unfortunately, all the things he had been put through, caused him to erase most of the memories of him and Emmanuelle. It was sad, but at that time, it had been...necessary. Today, Amarie was in a well enough mood to take care of some of the kids. So, he was stuck with Soren in his arms, Sonny in a stroller, and Molleigh running around somewhere else. Saikoro didn't worry too much; he was pretty sure she had probably run off to greet Cor, since Am seemed somewhat friends with the woman. If he had not been completely aware of his surroundings, he would've never noticed Emmanuelle walk by. But at that moment, Sai tipped his head curiously to the side and blinked, hoping it might spark some sight. Ever since he had gotten Azrael out of his mind for the second time, his blindness would come and go; ease up a smidge, but not enough to really know what he was looking at. Was that Emma? He wondered for a moment and then swallowed. "Emma? Is that you?" He asked, though he wasn't sure in what direction she was. He could smell her. He could barely even remember what she looked like, but he could smell and hear her just like those times before.
|
|
|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 5, 2010 19:03:41 GMT -5
At the recognition, she felt a smile sprout without her consent, as if she'd been hoping that he would notice. She'd told herself before that it didn't matter if he did--was he still blind?--but found that she was more satisfied knowing that he had. Whether it meant he was open for negotiation or he wanted to give her a faceful of fist again, she was glad he had at least acknowledged her presence. This time, she didn't feel she wanted to use her empathy, not wanting to put him on edge, and frankly, not really wanting to know how he felt unless he told her himself. That was the way emotions were supposed to be.
Pivoting, she turned full on him now, wondering if he could see her. "Yeah, it's me," she replied. You want to talk to me? A first. Keeping this thought to herself--it was only wise--she hoped they could make some amends today. Just a new-day, epiphany-like feeling that came along with the happiness of simply being alive.
If he didn't, that was fine, too. Whatever suited the occasion. Whatever was meant to happen. Because she was certain that things did happen for a reason.
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 5, 2010 19:19:21 GMT -5
It was her. For a moment, he actually managed to get a glimpse of her before going completely blind. Of course, Saikoro had gotten used to these flashes. But it bothered him that not once had he actually ever managed to see the triplets yet. Still, he smiled a bit at the thought of Emma's for once gentle tone. Maybe she was actually willing to act civilized and sensible this time.
"H-Hi. How have you been? E-Everything...uh...good and all?" He asked with a slightly unsure and rather cautious tone. Saikoro wasn't sure about her mood and he didn't want to shake her up enough that she might make him feel like a pile of elephant dung again. He didn't want a repeat of last time. However, before he could open his mouth to say anything, Soren, who was cradled in his arms began to fuss.
As if he had sight, Sai managed to go through the baby bag and snatch a pacifier, which Soren took happily and it managed to quiet the infant boy. Saikoro chuckled shyly and then carefully put him in the stroller. "Sorry about that. Am's recovering from not feeling well so we split shifts. I got Soren, Sonny, & Molleigh, and she's got the other ones. Though I think Molleigh is off visiting Corona.."
|
|
|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 5, 2010 19:30:53 GMT -5
"Good," she answered promptly, holding onto the strap of her bag to ensure its position on her shoulder. "Yeah, everything's fine." The thought of asking him how he was occured, but the two babies he was looking after right now told her everything. She had heard about their birth, but she hadn't seen Saikoro since the day she found out Azrael had been back in his head. Smiling down at the boy who was now looking on at the newcomer, fascinated by the world around him, she cooed a little to send his mind reeling even more. He gave her a smile back.
Just like that, he started fidgeting and she chuckled. "Sorry, little man. I don't mean to be scary." Seeing a little boy like made her really feel the nostalgia. Oliver was a boy, not a baby, and Mo was growing up so fast. Time hated her, really.
Joining in his small laugh, Emma shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I'm used to babies crying." She didn't know why he thought he had to apologize. In all sensibility, she was more curious about how he was functioning while still being blind. How had he managed to so easily find that pacifier?
Her curiosity got the best of her and she blurted out, "What about you? How're you holding up?"
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 5, 2010 19:54:02 GMT -5
"Oh good! And how's m-" He paused. Did he want to ask? Last he asked, they got in an argument. Not to mention, did he even want to continue those words. How's my little Ollie? He isn't mine anymore. He kept his thoughts to himself and then slowly put his head down as he swallowed. "Uh...how is Oliver?" Saikoro asked carefully.
In his mind, he prayed that they wouldn't get into another fight over the subject of Oliver. In fact, Sai rarely ever thought about the little guy now that he had tried to clear his mind of so many of the memories. That was the moment that he realized she had said something. "Oh? I've been good. I get flashes of my sight now and then, but I've been unfortunate that they haven't happened enough to see the triplets...so I still don't know what they look like yet."
|
|
|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 5, 2010 20:25:53 GMT -5
Even if he didn't find it in him to finish his sentence, she would have known what he wanted anyway. Not only because of experience, but because of her empathy. She'd given into temptation and dipped into his feelings just for a moment, didn't get much, but whatever she did get was strong enough to give her a clear message. "He's fine. Growing fast." Hopefully that would lift his spirits, to know that it wouldn't be much longer before he got to see his boy.
She shivered thinking that. For so long, she'd referred to him as Cian's boy.
"Really?" she asked, incited to ask more. He got flashes of sight--who would have thought? And how was that possible? Emma didn't think to ask. Stranger things had happened, like people coming back from the dead. A little un-blindness was nothing to sing about. "That's great. Maybe you'll full recover someday."
His final comment made her frown but she picked it up easily. "Well, they're beautiful. When you do see them, you'll know that they look just like their daddy." She sent him a smile, even if he couldn't see it.
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 5, 2010 21:01:36 GMT -5
Saikoro listened but he was somewhat disappointed. Only fine? Growing fast? She had no stories to tell about him? He sighed and then without thinking, blurted right out, "That's it? No stories or anything? I-I mean, Emma....I don't.....I don't even know how old he is." He swallowed hard after that. It was so difficult to admit to that. But he had lately been finding himself losing all memory of Oliver...including his birthday. She barely could remember what the boy looked like as a child.
"I-I'm sorry...but, everything..about him...is foggy. Cain told me, sometimes one has to let go and..I did...and everything kinda..slipped away." Sai wanted to correct himself, explain himself in a way. He gazed downward and then looked back up, though he couldn't really see anything at all in the first place. "Maybe. But I doubt it. Bellatrix did this and nothing's is going to change I'm sure. But at least Azrael is not in my mind anymore. Pity the man who has him now though...whoever that may be."
|
|
|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 5, 2010 21:16:47 GMT -5
[[OMG! WHAT IF HE GOT IN CIAN'S MIND?!]]
Oh. He'd wanted stories? She hadn't thought he was that interested. Every other time they'd talked about him he'd pretended apathy. "Sorry," she jumped, shaking her head. "Well, he's almost five." God. Out of toddler years already. He'd be going to school soon. He wasn't her little boy. She felt her heart melt away, but fixed it quickly--well, patched it--as she tried to speak to Saikoro again. "I don't know about stories. The other day he insisted we have 'pancheeks' again and I thought of you," she chuckled.
Wait. Everything?
Everything slipped away? "You mean, you...you don't remember anything about when we were together? What about Ollie?" He just had to remember him. He had to. "Not even his little face or his mysteriously blonde hair? Or when he drew you a picture of the three of us?" What did he remember? Oh, God... She couldn't take just dropping all of her memories for his sake.
Her face brightened, and she smiled. "That's so great! Now you're free to live your life again. How did you get rid of him?"
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 5, 2010 21:55:06 GMT -5
"I don't know about stories. The other day he insisted we have 'pancheeks' again and I thought of you,"
He nodded and smiled, not even knowing what relevance he had towards pancakes, but it didn't matter. The memories seemed to have faded faster than he thought possible before. It made Saikoro feel so guilty. It felt as though he had slaughtered a bunch of innocent babies with his own bare hands. How could he let those slip away?!
"You mean, you...you don't remember anything about when we were together? What about Ollie?" He just had to remember him. He had to. "Not even his little face or his mysteriously blonde hair? Or when he drew you a picture of the three of us?"
"I'm sorry, okay? I still have the picture, but I don't remember his face and the times we had together. I had to clear my mind. It hurt too much. I was physically hurting and emotionally distraught. So I got rid of those memories....most of the memories at least. I'm sure there's some I can't access right now." He explained with a heavy heart and a stressed voice of guilt.
"That's so great! Now you're free to live your life again. How did you get rid of him?"
"That's just it....I don't know."
|
|
|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 5, 2010 22:03:09 GMT -5
No. No, no, no. He couldn't have forgotten. That was like wiping half of her life away; half of her motherhood away. They'd seen and been through so much together. He couldn't have just...let them go. How could he?! Biting her lip, she wasn't sure what to say. He didn't even remember Oliver's face... "Do you remember mine?" she choked, bracing herself for the answer.
Then his voice lipped and she went for his hand, bending her fingers around the glove that hid his metallic fingers. "Well, it doesn't matter. He's gone, and he's not coming back. You have a beautiful family." Emma wasn't sure she liked saying that, but she knew she meant it wholeheartedly.
New topic, time for a new topic.
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 5, 2010 22:32:10 GMT -5
"Do you remember mine?"
Saikoro swallowed hard before speaking truthfully, "Barely." He shifted away from her. "I remember the color of your hair, and the way your eyes sparkled.....and that scar, but that's about it." Yes, he had dismissed everything to feel free from that piercing sorrow that he had felt. Even Emma had said that he had to let her go. Why was she even complaining?
He felt her hand holding his own robotic one and he tensed a slight bit. Usually most didn't reach for that one. "Well, it doesn't matter. He's gone, and he's not coming back. You have a beautiful family." "Yeah...I guess you're right. And thanks. People seem to say that a lot, but I still haven't seen some of them."
|
|
|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 5, 2010 22:49:41 GMT -5
Barely. It was a hard word to hear but one she had expected. As if in an attempt to remind him, she tucked a piece of his hair away from his face. As if she wanted him to remember her touch. But she knew he didn't want to. That was why he moved on; why he married someone else; why he touched someone else and made three beautiful children with that someone else. In a sigh, she withdrew her hands, holding them stiff at her sides for a while before relaxing her shoulders.
The damn scar. Immediately her hand went to the slightly raised skin underneath her jacket; shirt. Like a name, branded on her by means of property. She knew very well it hadn't been Saikoro's doing, but his name was embedded in her flesh forever. How could she let that go? How could she know that every time she made love to her husband he could see that; touch that?
"Well," she began with an unsteady trill in her voice, "know that they are beautiful, and you fit in perfectly with them. You'll see them someday, when the time is right."
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 6, 2010 14:08:24 GMT -5
It seemed the touch did nothing. It had no affect; except for one small place deep deep down. That small bit in his heart and mind that still remembered tiny broken pieces of their time together. And in that place, he felt an ounce of pain. He sighed and then mumbled softly, "I-I'm sorry, Emma....If I somehow...let you down." Saikoro felt guilty still. "I didn't know what else to do. And after I got Azrael out, I figured it best to completely let go. So I'm really sorry."
Maybe it was a good thing he was blind. He didn't want to know what angry, depressed, or disappointed expression she might have on her face. It would only make him feel worse. "Yeah, someday I hope...if my sight ever comes back." He shrugged. Saikoro realized that he could probably visit now, being that he couldn't actually see Oliver anyway and the fact he had erased most memories of the boy, Oliver's existence didn't seem to tug so much on his heart anymore.
|
|
|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 6, 2010 20:00:09 GMT -5
"Let me down?" she echoed, brows coming together in confusion. "You haven't let me down." It just hadn't occured to her that he might want his memory wiped. She thought he loved Oliver too much to just forget him. And on purpose... Biting the inside of her cheek, she let her eyes swivel around before landing on his hands. Something drew her to them. "I understand why you did it. It's just...it will confuse Oliver. I imagine he'll want to meet you. If you don't remember him, he'll be frustrated, because he won't remember, either."
She wondered if it would be possible... Maura. She could give him his sight back, she was almost certain. The problem would be convincing Cian to let her use her on the man he loathed. Chances were not in her favor, nor would Saikoro, she believed, really accept something like that. Maura wasn't even sure how to control her powers yet....
"I wish there was something I could do to help," she whispered, more to herself than to him.
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 6, 2010 20:20:50 GMT -5
"I understand why you did it. It's just...it will confuse Oliver. I imagine he'll want to meet you. If you don't remember him, he'll be frustrated, because he won't remember, either."
He didn't think of that. "Damn!"He cursed without thinking. "How could I be so stupid!? Shit!" Turning away from her, he then bit his lip and his robotic hand began clenching at his side. How could he not realize that? Saikoro now felt incredibly angry. Now what was he to do? He had let down his own son? Just to get rid of pain! Why?!? He let out a frustrated sigh.
"I wish there was something I could do to help,"
"You used to say that a lot when we were together." He pointed out, yet still frustrated with himself. Now, he wished he had never forgotten about all of that in the first place. How could he? How could he purposely do that? Saikoro felt like shooting himself in the foot just to punish himself.
|
|
|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 6, 2010 20:26:30 GMT -5
Ouch! His emotions came off in tsunamis and nearly plowed her over. Emma winced, praying she could somehow send him something a lot calmer. Something told her he would try to block them out. "Don't be angry with yourself, please," she begged him, taking a step toward him though he repelled from her. "You did it to save yourself, which is what you should have done. I don't expect you to think of these things at all. Please don't be mad at yourself. You did nothing wrong. I'm sure it'll work out just fine. There's so much time, anyway. You can remember if you want. It's all stored in your memory, but you can't access it. Maybe if we try some...reality orientation, it will help."
That had been a little too much coming out of her mouth, in her opinion. Who was she to say all of that to him? It had all just spewed out in an act of desperation to save him from spiraling downward again.
"You used to say that a lot when we were together."
Taking her tone down, she stared at the back of his head. "What does that mean?"
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 6, 2010 21:14:33 GMT -5
"You did it to save yourself, which is what you should have done. I don't expect you to think of these things at all. Please don't be mad at yourself. You did nothing wrong. I'm sure it'll work out just fine. There's so much time, anyway. You can remember if you want. It's all stored in your memory, but you can't access it. Maybe if we try some...reality orientation, it will help."
"I should be mad at myself. It was selfish of me to just delete so many memories of him. I'm sure Azrael probably changed a lot too so I doubt there's any hope in getting them back at all." He replied and then turned from her, pacing angry upon the grass and muttering cursings at himself. Now, it didn't matter if he saw Oliver did it? Now it was probably better if he didn't! Saikoro felt himself pondering these questions and more while he swore at himself for being stupid, selfish, and all those other adjectives that he felt he was.
"What does that mean?"
He shook his head as if saying for her not to ask about it. Though he didn't even hear what she said in the first place.
|
|
|
Post by Emma Lawrence on Mar 6, 2010 21:21:32 GMT -5
"No," she stepped in, shaking her head and taking him by the shoulders to try to get him to stop pacing so fervidly. "No, no, no. Don't think that. You know who he is, you know you love him. That's all that matters. That's all he'll need when he meets you." She just couldn't believe he didn't remember what happened between them. It was in the past, of course, but it was still what made up her life. And if he couldn't share her memories of them, then she was by herself.
Assuming he didn't want to talk about that matter, she sighed, wishing there was something she could do for him. "You're too hard on yourself," she muttered, shaking her head. "Just know that you're a good person now and don't worry about the future. Let it be as it will. Trust me. A...very good friend of mine told me that everything happens for a reason. And she's right."
Her mind flashed back to the conversation she'd had with Omnipotent. God. And if there was anyone she could trust, it was God.
|
|
|
Post by Saikoro Kohana on Mar 6, 2010 22:00:36 GMT -5
"No, no, no. Don't think that. You know who he is, you know you love him. That's all that matters. That's all he'll need when he meets you."
"Are you sure?" He asked and then sighed, "But you said....it....I don't think....maybe I just should see him. Who would ever want to meet a father who didn't remember them in the first place? No one. Maybe it's best we just don't meet. Yeah...maybe that'd be best."
Saikoro then let out a deep breath, trying not to curse at himself again. "I mean, I mean, the most I can remember is the picture, his creation, and two seconds of his birth. Everything in between....is gone. If I were him, I wouldn't want to meet me. That's for sure."
"Just know that you're a good person now and don't worry about the future. Let it be as it will. Trust me. A...very good friend of mine told me that everything happens for a reason. And she's right.
"I think your friend is wrong. I'm pretty sure that a lot of people didn't die for a reason. I'm sure many things don't happen for a reason." He said and then had a small random smile. "You know...Addy always asks me when she gets to see her other brother. And then I ask her what she means and she tells me this little made up story about how me and Ollie and her all had pancakes and waffles one morning before going to the zoo; and we never did go to the zoo because the ground shook and the house got destroyed. It's cute...how kids can make up such bizarre stories."
|
|