|
Post by Dean on Nov 29, 2009 17:17:05 GMT -5
"I know, right? It's like we're a boarding house or summat."
He chuckled softly, not wanting to jolt Maura too much. "Apparently." He mused. "He should be outta here soon, actually. Got into a fight with my parents, so..." Dean gave a soft shrug. "Parents." He smiled widely.
"Maura has enjoyed havin' him here, though. Another person t' dote and fawn over her." Cian grinned at that. "And Ollie loves him, o' course. What of y', though? T'ings with Harm all worked out?"
Dean smirked, hearing his thick accent. "Uh, yeah. Things have been great with us. Seems everything went back to normal." He looked down a moment. "Kinda kicking myself... I missed all of it." He sighed. "Her first crawl, first time she lifted herself up.. I'm not missing that first word though." He smiled. "She's daddy's girl."
|
|
|
Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 29, 2009 17:31:59 GMT -5
"Parents."
"Tell me about it," Cian mumbled, rolling his eyes once more.
"Uh, yeah. Things have been great with us. Seems everything went back to normal."
Cian grinned, happy to hear that. "Good; I'm glad." Dean had not be right when all that was messing him up. Yeah, it had been cool to have him around the house but the reason of it sucked. "I'll keep that in mind next time me and Emma have a fight," he joked.
"Kinda kicking myself... I missed all of it." He sighed. "Her first crawl, first time she lifted herself up.. I'm not missing that first word though." He smiled. "She's daddy's girl."
Cian swallowed, nodding. He felt guilty. Which was odd, because he had spent the better part of two months convincing Emma that she shouldn't feel guilty. "I know y' probably don't want it, but I gotta thank you, Dean. You givin' your life for Emma's..." He let it trail off there, watching Regan sleep against him. He shrugged it off, figuring his friend understood what he meant. He brought up a smile at that. "I'm plannin' to hand my Irish accent down to Mo. Just 'cause it'll annoy Em."
|
|
|
Post by Dean on Nov 29, 2009 17:38:51 GMT -5
"Good; I'm glad. I'll keep that in mind next time me and Emma have a fight," he joked.
Dean smiled broadly, shaking his head. "Yeah. I'm sure that would be fun." He teased. He looked down at a sleeping Mo, and slowly slid her over into the crook of his arm, patting her bum gently to lull her back to sleep in case she woke up. "Got a crib?"
"I know y' probably don't want it, but I gotta thank you, Dean. You givin' your life for Emma's..."
Dean starred at him a moment, nodding softly. It would never be the same, would it? Everyone would always hate or love him for that fact alone. Stupid enough to do it, and yet, pure selflishness to do it. It was complicated, to say the least.
"I'm plannin' to hand my Irish accent down to Mo. Just 'cause it'll annoy Em."
He snickered softly. "That'll do it." He nodded, grinning widely. "That'll do it." Flashes of Hell flicked by, and he closed his eyes, trying to rid them of his memory. But it was futile, and he knew that..
|
|
|
Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 29, 2009 17:53:14 GMT -5
"Got a crib?"
"Nah, we just toss her on the floor and hope for the best," Cian joked. He grinned, rising and tossing his head for Dean to follow him. He rocked Regan a little, in case she had stirred. Seeing Dean doing the same thing brought a smile to his face. What a pair they were; both head over heels for their daughters. "We can put Ree in there too if y' want. Mo sleeps like the dead."
"That'll do it." He nodded, grinning widely. "That'll do it."
Cian grinned to him but it faded. "Y'all right?" He asked, putting the hand that wasn't supporting Regan to his shoulder.
|
|
|
Post by Dean on Nov 29, 2009 17:58:29 GMT -5
"Nah, we just toss her on the floor and hope for the best,"
He let out a airy laugh. "Funny." He nodded, taking to his feet and following him down the hall to Mo's room. "We can put Ree in there too if y' want. Mo sleeps like the dead." He smiled down at Mo. "Yeah, same with Ray." He nodded. "Works for me."
"Y'all right?"
Dean licked his lips and nodded, moving past him to lay Maura in her crib. "Actually.." He sighed, his cheeks puffing out a bit. "No." He shook his head. "Mind if I get a drink?" He asked, moving to the kitchen and grabbing one of Oliver's juicebox's from the fridge. Which only made him think about Emma calling him a child, which brought a smile to his face.
He took a deep breath and leaned against the table a bit, waiting for Cian to join him.
|
|
|
Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 29, 2009 18:07:22 GMT -5
Cian nodded and watched Dean go, curious. With his lips set in a straight line, he laid Regan down carefully next to Maura. "All right, love. You two sleep tight." He stroked Marua's cheek softly before padding out to the kitchen.
Finding Dean there with a juicebox in hand made him grin. He leaned against the counter, across from his friend and lifted an eyebrow. "So, are we gonna have the chick-flick moment and talk it out?" he asked, hoping to lighten the mood. He didn't mind that, though. With everything that had happened Cian had learned that sometimes the only thing that helped was talking about whatever it was. And he hated to see his friend hurting. If talking helped then he would talk.
And if getting piss-drunk helped, then Cian would gladly do that as well. Although they might need something harder than Hi-C if that was the plan.
|
|
|
Post by Dean on Nov 29, 2009 18:13:33 GMT -5
"So, are we gonna have the chick-flick moment and talk it out?"
He smiled softly, shaking his head. "I lied." He confessed softly. "I've been lying." He told him, shaking his head. He took a deep breath, and sighed. "And I need a drink, something a bit stronger than this." He said, looking at the box of Hi-C.
It was like they came at random, the flashes. When he least expected them, there they were. It wasn't like a normal flashback.. It was like he was there again.. Being tortured.. Being torn to shreds. And like magic, he was whole again, only for them to repeat the process. It was a never ending vicious circle.
|
|
|
Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 29, 2009 18:20:17 GMT -5
Cian nodded to that, moving to the fridge. Taking out two beers, he passed one to Dean and kept one for himself. Popping the cap off the bottle, he added, "Lemme know if y' need something stronger still." He waited until he had his first sip before breaching the subject.
"Lied about what?" he prompted gently. His fingers itched at the label on the bottle, tearing it a little. Cian could be patient as ever but that didn't mean he couldn't worry. And he was concerned for his friend. He didn't know what he had experienced, couldn't imagine. Having Emma describe it was bad enough. He took another drink to wet his suddenly dry throat.
|
|
|
Post by Dean on Nov 29, 2009 18:25:59 GMT -5
"Lemme know if y' need something stronger still."
He took it with ease, popping the cap and taking a long swig of it. His head down as he thought about it all. All those.. months in hell.. all that torture.. All the people he ended up hurting. He swallowed hard, licking his lips.
"Lied about what?"
His brows furrowed as he took another swig, hurt clearly written in his eyes. "It wasn't five months you know.." He said, wiping at his mouth. "It was five months up here.. But,down there.." He trailed off, his eyes focused on the floor. "I don't know, time's different..." He swallowed hard.
"It was more like fifty years."
|
|
|
Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 29, 2009 18:35:32 GMT -5
Cian listened as he spoke, eyes intense. His head cocked to the side, his whole body was pitched toward Dean. "Shite," he breathed as Dean admitted how long it had been. He couldn't even imagine that torture going on for five days, let alone fifty years. Fifty years... He wiped at his forehead, still processing that.
"I...I'm sorry, Dean," he offered, not knowing what else to day. 'Sorry you risked your life to save my wife's even though that didn't really work.' He swallowed and shook his head. And this had to be hard for Dean. He didn't have anyone who would understand, who he could really talk to. Cian could only hope he was doing an adequate job.
Fifty years... He was just glad his friend was alive.
|
|
|
Post by Dean on Nov 29, 2009 18:46:02 GMT -5
"I...I'm sorry, Dean,"
He closed his eyes, taking another long swig of the beer. "They, uh.. They sliced and carved, and tore me in.. ways that you.." He stopped, sucking in his lips as he starred out at nothing in particular. "Until there was nothing left." He paused, taking in a shaky breath. "And then suddenly.. I would be whole again, like magic."
He swallowed, bringing the bottle of beer to his lips again. "So they could start in all over.." He sucked in his lips again, starring at his shoes. "And, at the end of.. every day.. every one.. they'd come over.. and they'd make me an offer.."
He took in a deep breath, shaking his head. "To.. take me off the rack... If I put souls on.." His voice cracked slightly. "If I started.. the torture.." He wiped at his face as he sighed. "And every day.. I'd tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine.." He shook his head, looking down.
"For thirty years.. I told them..." He paused. "But then I couldn't.. do it anymore.." He said, his voice cracking and the sound of tears on the verge of dropping.
|
|
|
Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 29, 2009 18:53:06 GMT -5
Cian's face tightened as he listened to Dean recount his torture. His hands were gripping at the counter behind him, knuckled gone white and numb. "I wouldn't have lasted as long as you," he admitted at the end. "You did good, Dean."
Clearing his throat, he set his beer off to the side and moved to his friend. A few steps in front of him, he stopped. "I'm going to give you a dude-hug, now," he said, once more trying to lighten the mood. It probably wasn't really appropriate but Cian's filter didn't always work, especially when his friends were in distress. Then he would say just about anything to make them feel better.
He reached across, pulling Dean into a solid hug. He let it linger only a second, in case Dean needed more comfort, before pulling away. Cian watched his friend then a moment, concern still written clear over his face.
|
|
|
Post by Dean on Nov 29, 2009 19:01:21 GMT -5
"I wouldn't have lasted as long as you," he admitted at the end. "You did good, Dean."
Dean shook his head, trying his best to not let any tears fall. "I couldn't.." He said softly, shaking his head. Cian took a step closer, "I'm going to give you a dude-hug, now," Part of him wanted to laugh at that, but the memories were just too much..
He stood there, letting Cian giving him a light hug, before patting his back softly. "I got off that rack, Cian.." He told him, looking him in the eye. "God help me.. I got right off it.." He sniffed, shaking his head.
A single tear started it's way down his cheek. "And I started.. rippin' them apart.. " He licked his lips, covering his face. "I lost count of how many souls.." He sniffed, taking in a deep breath. "The things that I did to them.." More tears came as he looked at the ground, wiping a hand over his face to get rid of them.
"How I feel.. this... inside me.." He paused. "I wish I couldn't feel anything, Cian.." He cried. "I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."
|
|
|
Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 29, 2009 19:27:45 GMT -5
He couldn't fucking blame him. Cian couldn't even begin to imagine what he had gone through, what it had been like to feel all that. And even if he could, if he tried to summon up the worst pain he had ever experienced and mutiply it by about nine thousand... Cian knew he wouldn't have lasted as long as Dean had. He would have given up much sooner. Anyone would have. Dean was the strongest person Cian knew and if he had given in...it had been bad.
"Nobody could blame you, Dean," he assured him steadily, laying his hands on his shoulders. "Nobody. Those bastards were just tryin' t' fuck with your mind. But you're not like them, y' know? You're better. 'Cause you're human and you're good. Y' got a soul and that's why it hurts. But...it's not on you." He swallowed. Seeing his friend like this was really affecting Cian. "There isn't a person on this earth that wouldn't have gotten down as well, Dean. Not a one. And none of 'em would have held out for t'irty years."
He took him into another hug, holding tight this time. He wished there was something he could do, something to help Dean. As it was, he was sure only time could help. Time with Harmony and Logan and Regan and even with him and Emma and Ollie and Mo. Just time living life with the people he loved and who loved him.
|
|
|
Post by Dean on Nov 29, 2009 19:42:19 GMT -5
"Nobody could blame you, Dean," he assured him steadily, laying his hands on his shoulders. "Nobody. Those bastards were just tryin' t' fuck with your mind. But you're not like them, y' know? You're better. 'Cause you're human and you're good. Y' got a soul and that's why it hurts. But...it's not on you." He swallowed. Seeing his friend like this was really affecting Cian. "There isn't a person on this earth that wouldn't have gotten down as well, Dean. Not a one. And none of 'em would have held out for t'irty years."
He lowered his head, trying to stop the tears that just seemed to keep coming as Cian brought him into another hug. "All of that sounds great, Cian.." He sighed shakily. "But part of me.." He choked, not really wanting to admit it..
"I laid on that rack for thirty years.. and.. When I got off..." He closed his eyes, squeezing out more tears. "I felt... angry.. and when I started..." He sniffed, wiping at his face. "I liked it.." He told him. "After all the pain I went through.. It was nice dishing some out too.. and.. I just.. I don't want to accept that.. I don't.."
Hearing all of the ruckus, Logan took to his feet and dipped his head out of Oliver's room. Daddy sounded sad... Slowly walking into the kitchen, he starred at the two hugging. "Daddy?" He spoke softly, walking up to him. "Joo cyin'..." He observed, seeing the tears on his face. "Why joo cyin?"
|
|
|
Post by Cian Lawrence on Nov 29, 2009 20:00:31 GMT -5
Cian listened to Dean, holding tight. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to assure his friend further that... What? That they all still loved him. That none of this was his fault. That the only reason he had ended up in Hell was because he was a good person and a great friend and he had been trying to help her... Fuck. This fucking sucked. Thirty years in torture and he would have been happy to do some damage too.
Cian looked up at the sound of Logan's entrance. Wiping the tears that had somehow found his own face, he backed off. He nodded to Logan and rubbed at the back of his neck. "Hug your son," he told him softly. He knew from experience that sometimes the best remedy was just holding your kid close.
|
|
|
Post by Dean on Nov 29, 2009 20:05:16 GMT -5
"Daddy? Joo cyin'..." He observed, seeing the tears on his face. "Why joo cyin?" "Hug your son,"
Dean starred at Cian a moment before lifting Logan into his arms. Logan completely obliged in wrapping his arms around his daddy's neck, and whispering into his ear. "Daddy.. don' cy.." Dean smiled, putting a hand to the back of his head as he mouthed a thanks to Cian.
"Ahh.." He closed his eyes, hugging Logan tight. "I love you, Logan. You know that?" He chuckled softly, sniffling. He could hear Regan's slight whimper coming from Maura's room. "Uh.. she probably wants her Binky." He told Cian. "If not, then just bring her on in for me?"
|
|