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Post by Colette on Mar 5, 2010 17:27:39 GMT -5
"I think you should. Tell Andrua. Maybe talk to Benson first, make sure he hasn't told her already just so it won't be too awkward."
She looked to the bright blue sky and sighed, dropping her head as she fake cried softly. "I don't think I can talk to him. I mean afterwards we had this... really, really awkward morning after thing.." She shook her head, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
"She needs to know; deserves to." Of that, Ainslie was sure. "It's just a matter of who tells her. And if Benson doesn't step up... Then it'll be up to you."
She ran a hand down her face, groaning. "I know you're right.. it's just." She sighed, closing her eyes. "It's going to be hard enough to tell my own husband that I.." She shook her head. "Now I have to tell Andrua and talk to Benson?" Her brows furrowed, looking to Ainslie.
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 5, 2010 19:43:31 GMT -5
"I don't think I can talk to him. I mean afterwards we had this... really, really awkward morning after thing..."
Ainslie winced, nodding. "Yeah. That can't have been fun..." Ainslie could sympathize. She had had more than one awkward "morning-after" moments. But none as awkward as Colette's had been, she was sure.
"I know you're right.. it's just." She sighed, closing her eyes. "It's going to be hard enough to tell my own husband that I.." She shook her head. "Now I have to tell Andrua and talk to Benson?"
Ainslie's lips pursed and she sighed. Tried to think of a different solution. "Well. Maybe you wouldn't have to tell her exactly. Maybe you could write it. In a letter? Or call her?" Honestly, Ainslie thought it would be better to do it face-to-face. But she knew it would be extremely hard for Colette to do that.
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Post by Colette on Mar 5, 2010 19:50:15 GMT -5
"Yeah. That can't have been fun..."
She took in a shaky breath. She knew she had to tell Andrua, knew she had to talk to Benson. She knew she had to tell Charles, and that there was no if's and's or but's about it. But all the what if's in the world was stopping her dead in her tracks.
What if Charles left her? Left the kids? Left everything behind because she screwed this up? "Well. Maybe you wouldn't have to tell her exactly. Maybe you could write it. In a letter? Or call her?" She didn't even notice the tears, that were welling in her eyes.
The next breath she took and she was balling. "How could I do this? To just throw it all away?" She asked through her tears, turning her head to look at Ainslie. "I love him.. so much. Bit he left. And I was mad.. and alone.." She shook her head. "I know it's not an excuse and I'm not trying to make one.." She stopped wiping at her eyes furiously. "I really fucked up. Beyond.." She sighed. "Everything.. Not just my life, but other's as well. How can I ever..." She shook her head. "How can I ever expect to be forgiven?" She sniffed, turning to lookat Ainslie in her eyes.
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 5, 2010 20:07:34 GMT -5
"How could I do this? To just throw it all away?" She asked through her tears, turning her head to look at Ainslie. "I love him.. so much. But he left. And I was mad.. and alone.." She shook her head. "I know it's not an excuse and I'm not trying to make one.."
"Oh, honey," Ainslie murmured. "I know." Advising time was over. Best friend time had begun. Her job now was just to comfort Colette and talk her off the ledge. "It's okay. It'll be okay, CoCo."
"I really fucked up. Beyond.." She sighed. "Everything.. Not just my life, but other's as well. How can I ever..." She shook her head. "How can I ever expect to be forgiven?"
Ainslie smiled a small smile and offered her friend a tissue. "You'll be forgiven because you're truly sorry. Andrua will be able to see that. Charles too. And both of them love you. You forgive the people you love, even when they hurt you."
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Post by Colette on Mar 5, 2010 20:16:54 GMT -5
"Oh, honey," Ainslie murmured. "I know." Advising time was over. Best friend time had begun. Her job now was just to comfort Colette and talk her off the ledge. "It's okay. It'll be okay, CoCo."
She took the offered tissue with a small smile that quickly faded as she dabbed at her eyes. "Look at me, Ains. I am not the same anymore.. I just.. I wish I could pin-point when everything.. just went... wrong." She said softly.
"You'll be forgiven because you're truly sorry. Andrua will be able to see that. Charles too. And both of them love you. You forgive the people you love, even when they hurt you."
"But you can't promise that." She said softly, frowning as another tear slid down her cheek. "I know Charles... and he won't forgive me that easily. He was my one.. my love.. for all time, and.." She sighed, closing her eyes, shaking her head.
"Too many what if's."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 5, 2010 20:51:55 GMT -5
"Look at me, Ains. I am not the same anymore.. I just.. I wish I could pin-point when everything.. just went... wrong."
"Gonna take a shot in the dark and say when Hell came to Earth," Ainslie offered up, tossing her hair over one shoulder. That's when it had kind of boiled over for her. And then there was all the crap with Evan and Nic and Corona and her brother and Sarge and hoo-boy. It was enough to drive a person mad. Or, in Colette's case, adultery. Hell, if Ains had been married at the time she might have done the same thing. Well, maybe not, only because it would be difficult to find someone willing to have an affair with her. But all that was beside the point.
"But you can't promise that."
"No, I can't," Ainslie agreed. "But I can tell you what I would do if I were in either of their positions." Leaning back again, she crossed her legs. "If I were Andrua, I would throw a fit. I would cuss you out and tell you I hated you. And then I would be turning around the next minute, asking you why and how and please. And then I'd be crying with you on the floor, promising that I forgave you and would you please forgive me for being a bitch?" She hummed a little, nodding, before moving on.
"And if I were Charles... Well, first, I would get my ass home and be there for my wife so she didn't have to go off in search of buff, soccer studs to satisfy herself." Ainslie shot a grin to her friend here to show she was only teasing. "And then I would the one apologizing because really it was all my fault that she ran into the arms of some other man."
Sighing, Ainslie leaned her elbows on her knees and caught her face between her hands. "But that's just me. And at the end of it, all I can say is that... What's meant to happen will happen. I truly believe that, you know. I truly believe that if you and Charles are meant to work things out, then you will. If you and Andrua are meant to make amends, then you will." She blew out another sigh, finally catching Colette's gaze. "And if things turn out less favorable than that... Well, then that was meant to happen as well."
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Post by Colette on Mar 5, 2010 21:05:28 GMT -5
"Gonna take a shot in the dark and say when Hell came to Earth,"
Instinctively, she spoke. "No." She shook her head. "It was way before then." It'd taken her a long time to realize it. But there it was, out in the world for all to see. No one was perfect, especially Colette.
"No, I can't," Ainslie agreed. "But I can tell you what I would do if I were in either of their positions." She flashed a tiny smile to Ains as she went on. "If I were Andrua, I would throw a fit. I would cuss you out and tell you I hated you. And then I would be turning around the next minute, asking you why and how and please. And then I'd be crying with you on the floor, promising that I forgave you and would you please forgive me for being a bitch?" She gave her an odd look, and a half smile. "Yeah.. okay." She said, shaking her head.
"And if I were Charles... Well, first, I would get my ass home and be there for my wife so she didn't have to go off in search of buff, soccer studs to satisfy herself." Ainslie shot a grin to her friend here to show she was only teasing. "And then I would the one apologizing because really it was all my fault that she ran into the arms of some other man."
Flashes of Benson and herself flew past in her mind. She let out a heavy sigh, and shrugged. "Yes well. My versions are less funny, and.. more.. sadistic." She smiled gnetly to Ainslie. "But thank you.. for your weirdness." She said, giving her another smile, showing she was only joking.
"But that's just me. And at the end of it, all I can say is that... What's meant to happen will happen. I truly believe that, you know. I truly believe that if you and Charles are meant to work things out, then you will. If you and Andrua are meant to make amends, then you will. And if things turn out less favorable than that... Well, then that was meant to happen as well."
She sat there a moment, starring at the park around her. "So you're saying, even if I hadn't lost my way, I still would have cheated?" She shook her head. "I know you're trying to help, Ains. I know, and I love you for it." She said, looking to her slowly.
"No one is perfect. I've been held so highly on this stupid pedestal..." She shook her head. "Y'know, everyone thinks this vacation or leave of absence is so.. sudden." She perked a brow. "But it's really not. Last time I felt happy in that place was when Laura was ten." She paused. "Two years, Ains. Two years of pushing everything aside.. of giving in, when I should have given up... I'm tired." Her lip trembled.
"I'm tired, and I'm broken.." She laughed through her tears. "I'm so broken.."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 5, 2010 21:13:17 GMT -5
"But thank you.. for your weirdness."
"My weirdness says you're welcome," Ainslie replied with a half-grin. "So you're saying, even if I hadn't lost my way, I still would have cheated?" She shook her head. "I know you're trying to help, Ains. I know, and I love you for it."
Ainslie frowned, thinking that over a moment. Finally, she shook her head. "No. I'm saying... That you did cheat and that was meant to happen. It did happen, so it was meant to. I'm not talking fate and predestination here, CoCo. Just...things falling into place." She gave a short laugh then, rolling her eyes at herself. "Maybe it only makes sense in my head and not out of it; sorry." She didn't mean to make this more difficult on Colette. That was the last thing she wanted.
"I'm tired, and I'm broken.." She laughed through her tears. "I'm so broken.."
Ainslie bit her lips, feeling her own tears spring to life at the the sight of Colette looking so despondent. "Oh, CoCo," she hummed fondly, gathering her friend into her arms. Resting her chin on her the other woman's should, she went on. "You're not broken, honey. Bent, maybe, and bruised. But not broken. And even if you were, you know we'd find a way to put you all back together again."
'Humpty Dumpty' sprang to her mind but she shoved it away. "I'm sorry things have been so bad," she murmured, some tears leaking over. "I'm sorry I didn't pick up on it sooner." She had been so wrapped up with opening Belleza and her own personal crap... Ainslie felt like a shit-friend. Colette had obviously been in some serious distress for awhile and she had barely noticed.
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Post by Colette on Mar 5, 2010 21:21:30 GMT -5
"Oh, CoCo," she hummed fondly, gathering her friend into her arms. Resting her chin on her the other woman's should, she went on. "You're not broken, honey. Bent, maybe, and bruised. But not broken. And even if you were, you know we'd find a way to put you all back together again."
She shook her head. "Yes, cause clearly I'm mrs humpty." She laughed, shking her head as she hugged Ainslie, closing her eyes a moment. "I'm sorry I didn't pick up on it sooner." She moved, holding Ainslie there by her arms as she shook her head.
"That's just the thing, Ains." She said softly. "This job brings alot of joy, but it comes with alot too. It's not your fault. I should have called, I know that. But lately I feel like I'm leaning on you too much.." She frowned a moment. "But I guess that's what friends are for huh?"
She laughed softly. "See? Broken."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 5, 2010 21:30:12 GMT -5
"Yes, cause clearly I'm mrs humpty."
"Just call me 'all the king's horses and all the king's men,' then. Except I'll be much better at putting everything together again." She chuckled with Colette, sniffling discreetly. She didn't want her friend to know she was crying as well. No need to add to her distress.
"But lately I feel like I'm leaning on you too much.." She frowned a moment. "But I guess that's what friends are for huh?"
"That is most certainly what friends are for," Ainslie assured her, hugging her tight, tight for a moment before releasing. Wiping at her eyes with her wrist, she chuckled. "Fuck, Co-Lee, got me turning on the water-works as well." If she joked about it, laughed it off, she could make Colette see that it wasn't a bit deal. That she was fine and that she was focusing on making Colette feel better.
"See? Broken."
Ainslie smirked. She pushed Colette's shoulder playfully, sighing. "If you're broken, I'm shattered." she joked lightly. "Is the vacation helping a little at least? Or...?"
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Post by Colette on Mar 7, 2010 16:29:51 GMT -5
"Just call me 'all the king's horses and all the king's men,' then. Except I'll be much better at putting everything together again."
She rubbed at her eye as a soft laugh escaped her lips. "See? You're just so weird." She offered with a smile. "That is most certainly what friends are for," She embraced her, hugging her back tightly, her eyes closed before letting her go.
"Fuck, Co-Lee, got me turning on the water-works as well."
She smiled softly. "Sorry." She offered, wiping at her own eyes. "If you're broken, I'm shattered." She looked at Ainslie, a smile taking over as she closed her eyes a moment. "I feel like.. everything is crumbing around me."
"Is the vacation helping a little at least? Or...?"
She sniffed, nodding lightly. "Yeah, no. It's.. it helps. It does. But I think that for it to work completely I need to get farther away.."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 7, 2010 16:44:54 GMT -5
"I feel like.. everything is crumbing around me."
Ainslie nodded, understanding. But what could she say? "It'll be okay"? Because that's what she truly believed but that wouldn't help Colette at all, wouldn't offer any comfort. Instead of saying anything she just frowned into the distance, taking another drink from her lemonade.
"Yeah, no. It's.. it helps. It does. But I think that for it to work completely I need to get farther away.."
Something like nerves twisted Ainsle's stomach. "Uhm. How far were you thinking?" And for how long? Because Ainslie could deal with this. A few blocks away and never more than a phone call further. And with the knowledge that Colette would be coming back soon enough. But further? To the West Coast or something? Or out of the country even? And what if she made the move permanent? Never came back and just left everything behind.
Ainslie would not be a fan of that plan.
But, then again, if it helped Colette. If it was what she needed...
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Post by Colette on Mar 7, 2010 17:18:48 GMT -5
It was silent. But that was okay. She had become a fan of the silence. As odd as it was... She sipped at her lemonade, looking out into the distance. Her eyes closed, and a sigh escaped her. Getting farther away was her only option..
"Uhm. How far were you thinking?"
Slowly, her head turned to look at Ainslie. 'And for how long?' She licked at her lips. "I don't know. Anywhere.." She said softly, looking down at her hands. "It's not like I'd leave and not come back, Ains." She paused, looking back over at her.
"You know that right?" She paused once more, smiling. "Besides." She chuckled airily. "What would I do without you?"
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 7, 2010 17:34:32 GMT -5
Ainslie smiled softly at her friend's reassurements. "Of course. You'd completely lose it if I weren't around," she joked, chuckling.
She sighed a little, tapping her sunglasses over her eyes as she thought. "Maybe you could head home with Natalie? Stay in Missouri for awhile, you know?" She shrugged then, adding, "Unless you want to be completely alone. Then I say hit a tropical island." She flashed Colette a grin. "Might as well get the best out of the vacation, huh?"
That's what Ainslie would do if she were the one leaving. Go to Bermuda or Puerto Rico or Hawai'i or something. Som idyllic paradise where she could just kick-back and drink cocktails on the beach...
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Post by Colette on Mar 8, 2010 6:25:07 GMT -5
"Maybe you could head home with Natalie? Stay in Missouri for awhile, you know?" She shrugged then, adding, "Unless you want to be completely alone. Then I say hit a tropical island." She flashed Colette a grin. "Might as well get the best out of the vacation, huh?"
She smiled softly, nodding as she took another drink. "Yeah. No way I want to go to Missouri. My aunt and uncle are nuts. I love 'em but, still." She chuckled softly. "Yeah. I've been thinking of a beach.." She trailed off a moment.
"I remember when I was a teenager, when something went wrong.. I would head to the water. Just sit there and stare at the ocean.. somehow it helped." She shrugged, placing a hand on her stomach. What was this feeling? Whatever it was, it made her stomach churn, and not in a good way either.
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 8, 2010 18:37:02 GMT -5
"Yeah. No way I want to go to Missouri. My aunt and uncle are nuts. I love 'em but, still." She chuckled softly. "Yeah. I've been thinking of a beach.."
Ainslie laughed softly, nodding. "Yeah, I know about crazy family..." She thought of her own siblings and cousins, smiling fondly. "Definitely head to the beach," she agreed. Ruffling a hand through her hair, she added absently, "I should head to the beach. It's freakin' hot enough."
"I remember when I was a teenager, when something went wrong.. I would head to the water. Just sit there and stare at the ocean.. somehow it helped."
Ainslie nodded. "I always went up," she said. "Trees, rooves, balconies. Highest place I could find..." She loved the height, especially when she was upset. The closeness to the sky just...calmed her down.
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Post by Colette on Mar 8, 2010 18:41:56 GMT -5
"Yeah, I know about crazy family... Definitely head to the beach, I should head to the beach. It's freakin' hot enough."
Colette chuckled. "For cryin' out loud, you gotta pool. Use it." She joked softly, sipping oon her lemonade. She made a note to herself then, for the rest of the visit, she wouldn't talk about her problems. "Hey, how're you and Sargon?"
"I always went up," she said. "Trees, rooves, balconies. Highest place I could find..."
She smiled, her eyes squinting as she looked up. "I like up too." She said, turning to look at Ains. "Whatever helps."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 10, 2010 15:35:00 GMT -5
"For cryin' out loud, you gotta pool. Use it."
Ainslie joined in with Colette's soft laughter. "Not the same as the beach, though." Thinking on it, she decided everyone could probably use a little break. Just a day or two with nothing to do but sit back, rest easy and have some loose fun. "Maybe we could go soon. Make a trip of it with some of the kids..."
"Hey, how're you and Sargon?"
A light smile immediately found Ainslie's face at that. "We're... We're good. Really good. Nothing too serious yet but we're having fun, enjoying ourselves." She giggled a little, thinking fondly back on Sargon. A soft blush took to her cheeks as she realized that she felt a little bit like a young teenager.
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Post by Colette on Mar 16, 2010 15:25:03 GMT -5
"Not the same as the beach, though."
Colette smiled, nodding. She understood that. "You're right. Pools don't have that universal power that the ocean holds." She smirked, sipping on her drink a moment before tossing it into the trash.
"Maybe we could go soon. Make a trip of it with some of the kids..."
"Yeah?" She nodded, sitting back down next to her. "Sounds like fun. I think the kids would enjoy it." She smiled. "We're... We're good. Really good. Nothing too serious yet but we're having fun, enjoying ourselves." Colette grinned, seeing that soft blush creep into Ainslie's cheeks. "Uh huh.." She laughed gently. "That's good. The moment he does somethin' bad, you let me know." She smirked. "I'll put 'em back in his place real quick for you." She said laughing.
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Mar 16, 2010 15:37:21 GMT -5
"Yeah?" She nodded, sitting back down next to her. "Sounds like fun. I think the kids would enjoy it."
"Yeah," Ainslie agreed, "they would. Would give 'em a chance to hang out together without the stress of anything and flirt a little bit." She chuckled a little at that, thinking of her students and their interactions. "Not that they really need another excuse to do all that," she added, grinning wryly.
"That's good. The moment he does somethin' bad, you let me know." She smirked. "I'll put 'em back in his place real quick for you."
Ainslie barked out a laugh, shaking her head. Carding a hand through her hair, she drank the last of her lemonade and laid the bottle off to the side for the time being. "I don't know about all that," she said with a smile. "Besides, anything happens and he'll have all my brothers and sisters as well as myself coming after him too, most likely." She scoffed softly at that, shaking her head again. She and Sargon weren't at that point yet; the point where she was worried about him hurting her in any way. It was still early, a young relationship.
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