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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 6, 2010 16:15:42 GMT -5
He pulled away from her and she wanted to scream at him. This wasn't a time to be thinking about goddamn child custodies. She needed help and she needed it now. For all the shit they'd put each other through, it was about time they reconciled and started to give and take. If they were going to remain friends, something had to change, and that was what she needed from him right now. Needed him to change and open up and help her because she was desperate and...
"You don't know?!" she exploded, advancing toward him accusingly, tears no longer at bay as they rushed down her face. "How can you not know? I need you and you're not even going to try? I can't believe you!"
They were words thrown out of anger at her situation rather than spite.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 6, 2010 16:42:47 GMT -5
"I'm sorry but I don't know! In order to get rid of Azrael, you'd have to get Bella's amulet. That is what he wants. Trust me, I've tried that already and ended up enduring weeks of her torture which left me blind. She's likely to kill me the second time. I'm sorry, but I won't leave Amarie to be a widow with six kids!" He said loudly in defense. Saikoro really wondered why she was yelling at him all of a sudden. He hadn't yelled at her until now.
But still, he had a very good point. That wouldn't be right to live her with six kids. He wouldn't sacrifice his happiness for Emmanuelle's again. Look where it got him the first time! Temporary suicide thoughts, that's where! "Or...you have to kill me. Either way I die, leaving Amarie and the kids behind. Cian is not made for controlling Azrael. The strength to control him comes from all the pain I've been through that he has given me. It would take years for Cian to get that strong. So I don't know Emma. I just don't know."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 6, 2010 16:51:57 GMT -5
Why was everything always about him. Why did he think Azrael only wanted him. For God's sake, he was free, and he couldn't help someone else that he knew was going through the same thing he had? He knew Cian's pain, he knew everything, and yet he still refused to help. "If you do nothing, someone else will die and leave behind his two children, his wife, his parents, his seven siblings--everything! How can you stand there and talk about yourself when someone else is suffering the same pain you've suffered your whole life? Don't you want to end this series of torture? Azrael's rampages have gone on years too long. You can help me stop him, Saikoro. Please. I am begging you. I need your help, or else... Cian will die. You said it. Cian's going to die."
And it'd be the end. The end of her life with him, the end of their plans, of his existence, of what had finally put her life back together. Her stomach spun in circles and she placed herself back down on the chair, face hidden behind her hands as she doubled over onto her knees. By now the crying had ceased into strained breaths, trying to accept reality. It was harsh and it was bitchy and it was everything in between, and yet it was the undeniable truth.
"You're the only one I thought could help."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 6, 2010 17:15:17 GMT -5
Saikoro stared at her with disbelief. She just practically asked him to kill himself! Fine. I have no choice then, do I? I can't ever see my children grow up because I'll be dead but heck, at least Cian will be alive. Damn that bastard! Were his only thoughts and his hate for Cian was probably radiating off him, but he sighed. "Fine. But if I die, don't bother to tell Oliver about my existence. If you do, at least tell him it wasn't my fault." He said and then looked down. "I do not want to do this. He definitely wouldn't do it for me, that's for sure. He doesn't deserve it anymore than I deserved to be with you...but fine. If it will make you happy and keep both families safe..then fine. I will...get the amulet...or....ahem....and die trying."
Saikoro looked up with confidence, though tears were already falling slowly down his once happy face. It was not that he was upset. It was that he was terrified! He did not want to die! He had finally found a happy little family and now there was a ninety-eight percent chance that Bella would end up killing him. "But you....you get to tell Amarie. For it is not my choice to do this. I said I'd protect you long before everything....making this my duty...whether I want to or not."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 6, 2010 17:32:11 GMT -5
No. She'd never ask him to sacrifice himself for her sake. She wasn't worth than anymore. Her only wish was to see Cian alleviated and everyone at peace. An incredulous look settled over her face as her tears slowed. "I don't want you to kill yourself for us," she explained. "I had hoped we could find a way around that. Isn't there any way besides confronting Bella that would get him out of his head?" With a much gentler tone now, she was able to converse without shouting and without pent-up grudges and stress erupting from below.
Emma refused to be responsible for someone else's death again. She'd already had her ear chewed off from Saikoro because of how she'd pulverized his life and his happiness (though sometimes that wasn't the important thing in life), then she'd been the reason Dean had died, and now this. Never again; this couldn't happen that way.
"If there isn't," she said, stronger now as she pulled herself to her feet and started for the door, "then I'll take care of it myself."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 6, 2010 17:43:04 GMT -5
He grabbed her arm and sat her right back down before she could leave. "No, there isn't and NO you are not going to face Bellatrix. Emma, you don't even have any powers that would really be helpful in that kind of fight. Besides, if you die...I will surely never see my son as my son. Cian would never tell Oliver I am his father...you know that. If anyone dies at Bella's hand.....it'll be me. That's final. You have to help Amarie at least...when I'm gone because I don't think I'll be coming back this time."
Saikoro knew he'd die during this. But he had no choice. If Emma died, everyone would blame him and he'd be back on the suicide route again. He didn't want to go there again for sure. Sai didn't want to die either, but he literally had no choice. "There is no way around this. You refuse to stay here and keep your kids here away from Cian, but Cian is dangerous with Azrael connected to him. Azrael won't go until he gets what he wants..and he wants Bellatrix's amulet...as well as Bella herself."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 6, 2010 17:49:07 GMT -5
No one was going to die at her hand again, and she had to make that clear. Now. "It'll be neither of us if I have anything to say about it. There is a different way to do this, there has to be. I can work something out with Dean's uncle Bobby. He knows a lot about the supernatural world and afterlives. We'll do this together, Saikoro. No one is going to die and leave their families behind. And no one will feel guilty because of anyone else's sacrifice. All right? That's something I've had to understand the hard way." His insistence that she stay made her feel the need to reassure him instead, and she rubbed his hand.
Shaking her head, she affirmed quietly, "Cian and I talked about this before we were even married. No matter what, Ollie will be told who his real father is. Whether or not he meets you is up to him, and you know that. We're not going to try to sway him either way. It'll be his sole decision."
A heavy sigh escaped her and she leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'll bring them here," she resolved in a desperate whisper. "I'll bring them here, they'll be safe here. But Sai," she picked her head up, "if Azrael gets into my head, he'll find out where you live. Promise me you'll keep them safe if that happens?"
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 6, 2010 18:03:59 GMT -5
He sighed a bit, knowing that wasn't what he cared about. He didn't really dare meet Ollie, but he wanted him to know that He was his real father. "I just want him to know that I'm...his true biological father is all....if he doesn't want to meet me, that's just fine. I just want him to know the truth. I don't like how it seems like he's living being tricked to think something that's not true. Him not knowing, makes me feel like....we're all lying to him about where he came from...who he is." He said at first and then seemed rather puzzled when she leaned her head against his shoulder.
It almost seemed as if he saw the past Emmanuelle flash before his eyes. All the things he went through with her. Saikoro looked at her, his eyes locked on hers. He wasn't aware of the minimal space that now lie between them. "Yes. I promise. I promised you that way back when we were standing by Oliver's crib in your dorm room. Remember?"
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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 7, 2010 15:42:58 GMT -5
"I know how it makes you feel," she assured him, turning her head so the side of it was resting on his shoulder, tilting her eyes to get a better view of his face, to see what, if anything, was going through his head after he said that. Just the way he talked about Ollie, the way she kept thinking "what if?", the way he was reminiscing. Nothing was going to happen to her kids. Nothing could happen to them. They were just children...
A smile broke her lips and she nodded, lifting her head and thinking. Thinking about what could happen. What might; what was inevitable. The two contrasting ideas were so mutually exclusive, it was hard to determine which would happen. Which fate would be bestowed upon them. All of them.
"I remember."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 7, 2010 21:04:38 GMT -5
He smiled and played over that day in his head. Saikoro remembered how Ollie had been sleeping and they went into the other room to talk. They laughed..and they smiled..and they kissed. He barely remembered the kisses. His deep brown eyes stared into her own matching ones, then took a quick glance at her lips. To think that had ever happened was almost impossible to fathom.
What ifs came to him too. He shook his thoughts away and chuckled, his gaze lowering down. "But that was..such a long...long time ago. I barely remember anything else, " Sai leaned closer a bit without thinking, his voice softening. "Do you...remember us?"
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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 7, 2010 21:09:00 GMT -5
She caught a meager flicker in his eyes, but didn't think anything of it, trying to appear somewhat put together. It was nice to remember "the old days," the days where she'd grown from a scared teenager into an independent, self-sufficient mother with an almost-husband who loved her, who was immediately obsessed with their son from the moment he was born. She especially remember how they'd locked eyes--him and Oliver--not an hour after the little boy had met the world, and at that time, everything seemed to fall into place.
Emma replied tenderly, "Of course I remember. What would motivate me to forget?" The rethorical question had her wondering. Saikoro had made up such a large, impressionable chunk of her life. She couldn't just throw that away. She almost...missed it. Just barely. Her memories just touched on the good times, and everything else seemed to vanish. All of their fights, all of their wrongdoings. He was happier now, like he'd been before.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 7, 2010 21:27:34 GMT -5
"I don't know....maybe....Cian doesn't like hearing about it?" He said with a shrug. Saikoro made sense. Cian probably didn't want to hear Emma's memories of Sai. Why would any husband want to? But then something came to Sai and he subconsciously raised his hand to her cheek to wipe off a stray little tear that he had missed. "Sometimes...I forget...because of the years of pain..and the years that have just passed. That day had been a good day though...and," He paused and smiled softly a bit. "A Good night too."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 7, 2010 21:37:41 GMT -5
Giving an equally nonchalant shrug, Emma leaned her cheek into his palm, letting it conform to the shape of his hand, letting go of a distressed sigh, though soft, through her nose. "Well, if that's true of Cian, I guess Amarie doesn't like to hear about our times together, either. It must be especially worse for her--we were best friends as teenagers." She highly doubted Saikoro said anything about the past, considering the way he loathed talking about it with her. The topic always seemed to veer.
Emma felt her cheeks flush with red and she tried not to laugh. "You're such a little boy," she teased him lightly through her chuckling, shaking her head. "Bet that's burned in your memory, huh?" Because she knew it was embedded in hers.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 7, 2010 21:57:13 GMT -5
"Sometimes she asks me, but not very often. I think it's an attempt for her to get to know me better than she already does." Saikoro sighed and then his eyes widened as he heard her chuckle. He saw her cheeks blush a bit, bringing a smile to his face. But when he listened to her question, he swallowed hard. "I'm sorry Emma...but I don't. I barely managed to remember what it was like...to kiss you."
Sai began to stammer a bit. "N-Not that...I...I...have any...needs to...kiss you...n-n-now, if that's what you were thinking...So..." Didn't matter how long he went on, they were not far away from each others faces at all.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 7, 2010 22:01:48 GMT -5
Somehow it seemed better that he didn't remember what it was like. That meant that all of his memories were focused on his wife, which was where they needed to be. But he began to stammer and her smile faded, though she didn't lose her levity. "It's okay if you do," she consolled, putting a hand over his, only know noticing the lack of space between them. "Thinking of the past can arouse a lot of old feelings you may not have even known you still had. It's like an animal instinct, you know? I mean, you fathered my firstborn. That will never go away. If we want to get technical...you were my first 'mate.'"
A stiffness choked her neck but she tried to ignore it. She had finally come to terms with what she'd just said and realized how true they were. Very animal, indeed.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 7, 2010 22:19:30 GMT -5
"Amarie is mine...and I am hers. But...." He paused and he looked into her eyes with curiosity. Sai had one question. It was one that he had wondered about ever since he saw her at the doorstep. Just one question. Clearing his throat, he smiled calmly to her. His thumb gently stroking her cheek. Saikoro tilted his head slightly to the side as he looked at her. "Does us...sitting together...arouse any of your feelings deep down?"
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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 7, 2010 22:28:42 GMT -5
She'd been praying that he wouldn't ask that. The answer might have been something personal or singly identified and not to be shared, whatever the answer might be. Even Emma wasn't sure as she dropped her gaze to ponder it for a few long seconds. His finger on her cheek prepossessed her to make a certain type of judgement, and giving in to the promise of the moment, she nodded meekly, not ashamed, but with disappointment in herself. She'd thought she was stronger than that, but clearly these lost emotions could be resurfaced.
"I think..." she mulled, bringing up her head and tilting her head opposite his angle, "I think it brings back a lot of memories. I remember how we were, how I used to feel around you. I liked that feeling. I guess my brain wants it back, sitting here with you, like we used to. I suppose I really liked this and right now my body thinks I'm revisiting that place. But, yes, I do...feel things I thought were gone."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 7, 2010 23:17:56 GMT -5
Saikoro felt a little bit happy about her words. They made him feel reassured. At least, she thought he wasn't just good enough for Amarie. He looked at her and then released how easily he could feel her hot breath against his skin. As he opened his mouth to speak, he found he didn't know what to say. What could anyone say? She had given him a complete compliment. Emma hadn't done that for some time and it made him so happy to hear her talk that way about him. He eventually found that he had no response.
But instead of his mouth closing, he felt his lips brush against hers. He had no idea they were that close, and with Emma's head tilted the opposite way, it was the perfect set up.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on May 7, 2010 23:24:23 GMT -5
He was silent--silent for a long time, like words were lingering on the tip of his tongue but refused to merge with his voice. In truth, she was paying little attention to his words and focused on his actions, on his movement, however few and far between. He seemed petrified at first, then moved in closer. Her heart thumped an irregular beat or two, but descended once her lips settled against his ever so briefly.
Sweet, but scared. It was so wrong. She was married, she'd done this once before and it nearly cost her her marriage. She had no remaining love interest in Saikoro, and yet she'd confessed to remembering the feelings. The desires. Did that mean they were taking over, or her memories were simply overshadowing her stress with Cian? In either case, she found herself leaning forward, chasing, wanting.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on May 7, 2010 23:49:45 GMT -5
Even though it had been an accidental brush for a second, now it was a kiss. They were dazed in a kiss. After what seemed like decades, Sai had to tell himself that he and Emma were kissing. He could feel her lean forward more, and of course he leaned forward too. Why? What was he doing? What were they doing?! This wasn't right at all yet everything seemed so crowded. He wanted to pull away, but his body would not obey. Saikoro was entirely happy and content with Amarie. He would never leave her for Emma.
But maybe it was the fact that he was wired to comfort people he is close to. Sai figured it was because Emma was upset and these feelings cheered her spirits up. Either way, he decided it was better to pull back. For a moment, he stared at her before finally speaking. "Emma...we....we shouldn't...as much as....this feeling....I...I'm sorry--" It was cut off when he leaned forward again, feeling the same as she was. Their lips met all over again.
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