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Post by Evangeline on Feb 20, 2010 2:22:49 GMT -5
"I know,"
She sighed heavily, letting her head fall back slightly. "So much was said." She said softly, shaking her head, feeling Ainslie's hand at her shoulder gave her comfort. "Out of all of this. You know who I feel for the most?" She asked softly, turning to look at her with furrowed brows. "Lyra and Corona."
"Definitely."
She gave a nod. "Corona, because.. she fought so hard to get back. Then.. her whole world crashed around her, because.." She sighed. "Because her husband had found another." She paused, closing her eyes. But everytime they closed, flashes went by of Nicolas, and she couldn't stand it. She wondered if she'd ever be able to close her eyes and see good things again.
"And Lyra.." She said softly, with a shake of her head. "For losing her mother in such a tragic way.. and then, learning to live with that. Learning to deal. Then I come into the picture, and just.. "
"Fuck it all up for her."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Feb 20, 2010 2:32:11 GMT -5
Listening to Evangeline speak, Ainslie remained stoically silent. Once she was sure she was finished, Ainslie let out a long breath. "Evangeline. You did not fuck anything up. You fell in love. You had every right to. You deserve a good man and a good relationship." She screwed up her mouth, pausing a moment. But she wasn't finished.
"Maybe you're thinking you, like, barged into their life? Made it harder for Lyra to adjust? But that's just not true. You never forced your way into the house, did you? You didn't make Shames introduce you to Lyra, to hang out with her. You lef tevery decision up to him, her father. He made all the choice. None of this is your fault."
Realizing how that sounded, she added, "I don't mean to say that it's Shames' fault; it's not. If I were him, in his situation, I probably would have done the same thing. He was trying to help Lyra get over it all, move on from her mother. Anything else wouldn't be healthy.
"How the hell were either of you supposed to know that Corona was going to come back from the fucking dead?" Ainslie threw her hands up, letting out another sigh. "And I feel bad for Corona; I do. I can't even imagine what she went through and is going through. But if she's so concerned about just Lyra, Lyra is her main priority, then why the hell is she so bent on you and Shames not being together? She should be happyy that he's happy with you, Evangeline."
Picking up Luter, she cuddled the kitten to her cheek. "I just... I don't want to see you upset. And I definitely don't want to see you letting Corona get you upset."
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Post by Evangeline on Feb 20, 2010 2:46:51 GMT -5
"Evangeline. You did not fuck anything up. You fell in love. You had every right to. You deserve a good man and a good relationship."
She did. She moved here for a new start, a new beginning. A soft smile spreading across her lips as she remembered the first time she met Shames. And ever since then, she had a thing for that man. And look where it was now. They loved each other, and wasn't that enough?
Maybe you're thinking you, like, barged into their life? Made it harder for Lyra to adjust? But that's just not true. You never forced your way into the house, did you? You didn't make Shames introduce you to Lyra, to hang out with her. You lef tevery decision up to him, her father. He made all the choice. None of this is your fault."
She smiled softly, tilting her head. Ainslie knew her all too well. "I know." She said softly. "But I still can't help feeling the way I feel, after everything she said.. Some of it, she was right on, Ains."
"I don't mean to say that it's Shames' fault; it's not. If I were him, in his situation, I probably would have done the same thing. He was trying to help Lyra get over it all, move on from her mother. Anything else wouldn't be healthy. How the hell were either of you supposed to know that Corona was going to come back from the fucking dead?"
All of it. Everything she said was true. "You're right. We were living. Just living. Day to day, not rushing anything. And, every single time I was invited over there, I tried. I tried so hard to get that girl to open up to me. I wasn't expecting her to call me mom. I don't want to replace Corona, and I never would." She sighed.
"How the hell were either of you supposed to know that Corona was going to come back from the fucking dead?" Ainslie threw her hands up, letting out another sigh. "And I feel bad for Corona; I do. I can't even imagine what she went through and is going through. But if she's so concerned about just Lyra, Lyra is her main priority, then why the hell is she so bent on you and Shames not being together? She should be happyy that he's happy with you, Evangeline."
"She's not, really." She said softly. "Bent on breaking us up. From what she said, she was just worried about lyra. I can understand that, and I told her that." She took a deep breath and sighed heavily.
"I just... I don't want to see you upset. And I definitely don't want to see you letting Corona get you upset."
She gave a nod, leaning over and placing her head on Ainslie's shoulder. "I know, and you're a angel, Ainslie. You really are." She nodded. "But, Corona made some good points. What if.. What if Shames asked me to marry him tomorrow? I can't say yes." She said softly. "I'm always thinking about that little girl, and what's best for her. Just like her father." She paused. "But I've tried everything. I've came at her from every angle. Tried to be as nice as nice can be. But she hates me. And really," She stopped, looking at Ainslie. "I don't blame her."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Feb 20, 2010 3:01:59 GMT -5
[]i"You're right. We were living. Just living. Day to day, not rushing anything. And, every single time I was invited over there, I tried. I tried so hard to get that girl to open up to me. I wasn't expecting her to call me mom. I don't want to replace Corona, and I never would."[/i]
"Exactly!" Ainslie agreed emphatically. "You were just trying to get through your life, just like Shames. And things just worked out how they did. You didn't do anything wrong."
"She's not, really." She said softly. "Bent on breaking us up. From what she said, she was just worried about lyra. I can understand that, and I told her that."
Ainslie shook her head, lips pressing together. "Look. I... I just can't believe that's her only motive. If she was just thinking about Lyra, wouldn't she want her to get used to you since you and Shames are getting pretty serious? She should be trying to make the transition easier for her daughter, not injecting her own pain and bitterness into the situation." All right, maybe that was a little harsh... "I can appreciate the fact that she died and lost her family. And I can definitely understand Lyra's issue, having seen her mother die and everything. But Corona needs to learn how to accept that you are with Shames and you are going to be for quite awhile."
"I know, and you're a angel, Ainslie. You really are."
Ainslie smiled mildly at that. "Well, thanks," she said with a little laugh. Then she tuned in for the rest of what Evangeline was saying. "What if Shames asked me to marry him tomorrow? I can't say yes." "Well, considering the situation, I think Shames will have the good sense to keep things going slow. And if he doesn't, you just have to lay down the law. And as far as the situation with Lyra goes..." Ainslie sighed, thinking that one over. "She's young. She's adjusting. She just needs time. And, like I said, her mother's commentary in the contrary to you is not helping in the slightest."
Ainslie shook her head. "I just don't want you giving up on something so good because of the pressure other people are putting on you," she summed up.
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Post by Evangeline on Feb 20, 2010 3:17:01 GMT -5
"Look. I... I just can't believe that's her only motive. If she was just thinking about Lyra, wouldn't she want her to get used to you since you and Shames are getting pretty serious? She should be trying to make the transition easier for her daughter, not injecting her own pain and bitterness into the situation."
She nodded. "Right. No, you're right. But all she feels right now is pain, and betrayal? At least, that's what I would feel if that happened to me. And, if I was in her shoes. There's no way I would want someone else raising my kid." She paused, realizing how that sounded. "Not that I'm raising her kid or anything. That's their kid. Shames and Corona's and I told her that."
"I can appreciate the fact that she died and lost her family. And I can definitely understand Lyra's issue, having seen her mother die and everything. But Corona needs to learn how to accept that you are with Shames and you are going to be for quite awhile."
She was silent for a good minute, letting it sink in, her mind retracing what she and Corona had said to one another. "Oh god." She covered her face and groaned. "I think.. I said something along the lines of.. " She shook her head, trying to think. "Well, she asked me who gave me these." She said, pointing at her face. "And I told her about Nic, and.. she said something about.." She paused, trying to think and groaning at the same time. "I can't.. think right now."
She sat there, listening to what Ainslie said. All the while trying to remember what she had said. As Ainslie finished, it dawned on her. "She said something like... 'what happens if whoever gave you those bruises got to Shames & Lyra for revenge?'" She sighed. "And then I said; 'You're right. I don't want what happened to me, to happen to Shames and Lyra. That would kill me.' and 'I'm trying to hard to put it in the past where it belongs. But he won't let me, he wants revenge, and you're right.'"
She fell backwards against the bed, bouncing slightly. "And of course, my favorite.. 'If it comes to any of that.. If he even threatens Shames, or Lyra.. I'll do whatever is necessary. Whatever it takes.. Even if that means breaking Shames' heart.'"
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Feb 20, 2010 3:37:35 GMT -5
Ainslie sighed a little. "Oh honey." She put a hand to Evangeline's back. "You really, really love him..." She was willing to leave him, to break her own heart, just to protect him and Lyra. "And after you said that, Corona still wasn't able to see that you were serious about Shames and Lyra... That you love them more than yourself practically." Ainslie groaned, frustrated. She wished there was a way to make this easier for Evangeline. She already had so much to deal with, apparently, with Nic and everything. She shouldn't have to handle some self-righteous, back-from-the-dead bitch.
Whoa, maybe Ainslie should just cool her jets a little. She tended to get protective of her students. She didn't know the whole story. And yet... She really wanted Corona to back up off her assistant! But. More important matters at hand.
"Just a second," she said quickly, reaching for her phone again. She fired off a rapid text to Gwen and Nate, asking them to just keep tabs on Shames and Lyra, that she would explain it all later. "Okay," Ainslie murmured, finished. Studying Evangeline splayed out on her bed, Ainslie dropped her hands to her hips.
"Look. You said before that you were just living life; from day to day. I think that's what you should keep doing. Live your life. Just get by, day by day. Help me out here, kiss Shames, hang out with Lyra, don't listen to Corona, help me and CoCo to bed when we get to stinking drunk," she grinning softly at that, nudging Evangeline. "Don't think so much. I know it's hard. But I'm going to keep you safe from Nic. Shames loves you. Just remember those two things and everything will be fine."
Everything would be fine. Ainslie believed that, truly.
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Post by Evangeline on Feb 20, 2010 3:45:22 GMT -5
"Oh honey." She put a hand to Evangeline's back. "You really, really love him..."
She nodded, her voice slightly raspy as she talked. "Yeah." She smiled though. She had to. With everything that had happened in her life, if she didn't smile.. she would cry. And she had enough crying for this week.
"And after you said that, Corona still wasn't able to see that you were serious about Shames and Lyra... That you love them more than yourself practically."
"I think her exact words were; I didn't say out of the picture. I meant take it slow. Which, we have been, and I told her that. The whole conversation went in a circle. There was no understanding on her part, I think."
"Look. You said before that you were just living life; from day to day. I think that's what you should keep doing. Live your life. Just get by, day by day. Help me out here, kiss Shames, hang out with Lyra, don't listen to Corona, help me and CoCo to bed when we get to stinking drunk,"
She laughed softly at the drunken stupor part, nodding as Ainslie nudged her slightly. "Right, how is Colette? I heard she's.. taking a break from Biella?" She asked, sitting up on her elbows.
"Don't think so much. I know it's hard. But I'm going to keep you safe from Nic. Shames loves you. Just remember those two things and everything will be fine."
She looked down, licking her lips. "Ainslie." She started softly. "I know you, just as well as you know me. I know you want to help, and help protect me." She smiled gently. "But Nic.. He won't give up. He wants revenge. A life, for a life."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Feb 20, 2010 4:01:07 GMT -5
"Right, how is Colette? I heard she's.. taking a break from Biella?"
"Yeah," Ainslie confirmed. "With everything that was going on with Charles and Laura and...the world and everything she just needed a break." Ainslie chewed on her lower lip, thinking of her friend. She hadn't heard from Colette in awhile... She would call her later that evening, she decided. Find out how she was doing with everything.
But Nic.. He won't give up. He wants revenge. A life, for a life."
Ainslie licked her lips. Yeah, he was just as serious a bastard as she thought he was... Giving a little sigh, she shook her head. "Well, I'm not gonna let him," she stated confidently. "So you have nothing to worry about." And she wouldn't . Nobody messed with her house.
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Post by Evangeline on Feb 20, 2010 4:14:44 GMT -5
"Yeah," Ainslie confirmed. "With everything that was going on with Charles and Laura and...the world and everything she just needed a break."
"But she's okay?" She asked gently. Even Evan worried about Colette. She couldn't imagine raising a kid for twelve years and having that kid run away from home. God, she'd die if she was Colette.
"Well, I'm not gonna let him," she stated confidently. "So you have nothing to worry about."
"But that doesn't make me stop worrying." She countered with a slight smile. "He was once a good guy." She said, mainly to herself. "The first time it happened.. he was.. he was really torn up about it."
She sighed softly. "All because of his father." She shook her head. "I know that's not an excuse.. But he was abused as a child. I remember the first time he came to me covered it bruises.." She shook her head.
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Feb 20, 2010 4:22:52 GMT -5
"But she's okay?"
Ainslie sighed, feeling like a bad friend. "I actually haven't talked to her in awhile. I think she's all right... But not good enough, maybe? I was going to call her later tonight actually." She mustered up a weak smile. "I'll let you know after I talk to her."
She listened then as Evangeline talked about Nic and his past. Her emotions fought through her. She wanted to just hate the bastard and have that be that. But then she felt pity enter her system. Face screwing up, she chewed on her lowerlip. "That must have been hard," she sympathized softly. "To see him like that. I take it that you were friends for awhile before becoming...more?"
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Post by Evangeline on Feb 20, 2010 4:27:29 GMT -5
"I actually haven't talked to her in awhile. I think she's all right... But not good enough, maybe? I was going to call her later tonight actually." She mustered up a weak smile. "I'll let you know after I talk to her."
"I'm sure she's fine." She reassured Ainslie gently. "I mean, if she wasn't. She'd call you, right?" She knew that Colette and Ainslie were close. And, if Colette ever had a problem, Ainslie would be the first person she'd contact.
"That must have been hard," she sympathized softly. "To see him like that. I take it that you were friends for awhile before becoming...more?"
Subconciously, her hand lifted, gently grazing the bruise on her cheek before falling back down. "Yeah. We met at a very young age." She smiled faintly. "He was so sweet, charming... Really thought.." She shook her head. "But I guess statistics are right, huh?" She said, looking to Ainslie. "Those who were abused, will abuse."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Feb 20, 2010 4:38:51 GMT -5
"I'm sure she's fine. I mean, if she wasn't. She'd call you, right?"
"Right," Ainslie agreed faintly. "I'm sure she would." She still felt bad. But she would call that night and check in. Make sure everything was all right. She nodded once, puncuating her decision.
"Yeah. We met at a very young age. He was so sweet, charming... Really thought..."
Ainslie found a faint smile on her face, imagining a young Evangeline. "That's sweet. Childhood love and all that..." She had never had that, not really. Nothing long-lasting. It was too bad Evangeline's hadn't gotten quite the fairy-tale ending most would hope for... "When did it...turn bad?" She hoped Evangeline didn't mind sharing. But Ainslie would like to have the full story; it could give her some insight into the situation.
"But I guess statistics are right, huh? Those who were abused, will abuse."
Ainslie winced, not willing to make that generalization. "I'm not sure about all of them. But yeah, it's a high percentage, I think." She passed a hand through her hair, eyes out the window. She wondered if Nic was really all bad. And then immediately chastised herself for that naivete. He was not a good guy.
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Post by Evangeline on Feb 20, 2010 4:46:39 GMT -5
"Right," Ainslie agreed faintly. "I'm sure she would."
"She would." Evan nodding matter-of-factly to her. And if she didn't, there had to be a reason, right? Her mind wandered about that as she listened to Ainslie. "That's sweet. Childhood love and all that..." She smiled. "It was."
"When did it...turn bad?"
She licked her lips. "After his dad died." She said in a low voice. "I think he was more torn up about it than he cared to say. Pride, and all that." She shook her head. "I use to be able to look at him, and see.. him. Just.. Nic. Now.." She sighed. "Now, all I see is.. that clinic, and those stairs, and the bruises I hide from my parents.."
"I'm not sure about all of them. But yeah, it's a high percentage, I think."
She nodded softly. "Yeah." She swallowed roughly. "Shame too." She said in a whisper. "If he would have just..." She closed her eyes, but only for a split second. "He would have made a great dad."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Feb 20, 2010 4:55:05 GMT -5
Ainslie took Evangeline up in a hug as soon as she was done speaking. "Did you ever... I mean, did they ever know? Your parents?" She couldn't imagine her parents just letting something like that go. Her dad would be on the phone, having every cop in the country on the boy's ass. Her mother would coddle her, hug her and stroke her. Her brothers and sisters... Well, her sisters would trash his reputation all over the internet and her brothers would go find the guy and beat the everliving shit out of him. Ainslie spared a brief smile for the thoughts of her family.
"Yeah. Shame too. If he would have just... He would have made a great dad."
Ainslie felt tears spring to her eyes at the future that Evangeline had been cheated out of. She could have a family now, a happy one with Nic and a child or maybe a few... But no. He had to be an abusive SOB. Wasn't that always the way it turned out. "Do you..." Ainslie swallowed thickly, not really wanting to ask this next question for fear of offending Evangeline. But she needed to know. "Do you still love him? Some part of you?"
Because that was the first thing they would have to straighen out; make sure that Evangeline didn't harbor any romantic notions of the two of them getting back together. Ainslie was fairly certain the other girl was smart enough not to let that happen, but she had to be positive.
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Post by Evangeline on Feb 20, 2010 5:03:14 GMT -5
"Did you ever... I mean, did they ever know? Your parents?"
She rested her head against Ainslie's shoulder. "No." She smiled, a soft laugh escaping. "My dad would have tore him up otherwise. And my mom.. She would have sat me down, and cried with me." She smiled, thinking she would give her parents a call later.
"Do you..."
Letting go of her, she looked at her, perking a brow. Urging her to continue. "Do you still love him? Some part of you?" It was a simple question. She knew that. She starred off into the distance, flashes of her past coming at her.
"Do I love him the way I love Shames? No." She said softly, looking back at Ainslie. "But I'll always love him. He was my first. And nothing will change that." She sighed, her head tilting down a moment.
"I could never love him the way I once did." She said softly. "And I think that's.. part of the problem. He left, he left to get help. He did that for me.. and in his eyes.. " It was so hard to say..
"In his eyes.. I betrayed him. I ran, and I.. I took the life of a child. And.." She wiped away a stray tear. "And for that, he wants revenge."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Feb 21, 2010 14:28:40 GMT -5
"Do I love him the way I love Shames? No. I could never love him the way I once did."
Ainslie nodded. Good. That was good. Because if she still felt any sort of attachment or affection for that man then this would have been much harder... For Evangeline and Ainslie. But now, this was better. This would be easier.
"And I think that's.. part of the problem. He left, he left to get help. He did that for me.. and in his eyes... In his eyes.. I betrayed him. I ran, and I.. I took the life of a child. And... And for that, he wants revenge."
Ainslie face screwed up at that. She put a gentle hand to Evangeline's shoulder, saying softly, "But you know that isn't true, right? You didn't betray him, not at all. You just did what you had to do; you did what was best for yourself." And the baby. Because growing up in an environment like that...
"Can you imagine trying to raise a child with someone like him as the father?" Ainslie asked quietly. God, she would always be so afraid for her son in that situation... "You did the right thing, Evan. You got yourself out of a dangerous relationship and you were so strong to do that."
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Post by Evangeline on Feb 21, 2010 20:09:29 GMT -5
"But you know that isn't true, right? You didn't betray him, not at all. You just did what you had to do; you did what was best for yourself."
She nodded softly, her head down. "Yeah, I know. It's just.. there's no way of convincing him. There is no talking to him.." A flash of that night went by, his hand making contact with her face, and she flinched.
"Can you imagine trying to raise a child with someone like him as the father?" Ainslie asked quietly. God, she would always be so afraid for her son in that situation... "You did the right thing, Evan. You got yourself out of a dangerous relationship and you were so strong to do that."
She shook her head. "But I'm not, Ainslie.." She said softly, her voice cracking a little. "Every time I have a problem I run to someone. How is that strong? A strong person would sit down and figure it out themselves."
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Post by Ainslie Darling on Feb 22, 2010 1:26:09 GMT -5
"Yeah, I know. It's just.. there's no way of convincing him. There is no talking to him..."
"Of course not," Ainslie agreed, shaking her head a little. Abusive people were notoriously narcissistic. They were always right and anyone who thought different would be taught to change their opinion. "As long as you know, though." Evangeline didn't need anything else to beat herself up over.
"But I'm not, Ainslie...Every time I have a problem I run to someone. How is that strong? A strong person would sit down and figure it out themselves."
"Hey," Ainslie intoned carefully, quietly. "Everyone needs some help sometimes. Colette is one of the strongest people I know and she has no problem coming to me when she needs to. In fact, once me and you are through and I give Colette a call, I plan on running off to Sargon and having him hold me up for a little bit."
Ainslie smiled softly, laying a hand over one of Evangeline's. "Being a strong person doesn't mean always doing everything on your own. It means knowing when you've reached your limit and being brave enough to ask someone for help."
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Post by Evangeline on Feb 22, 2010 1:34:04 GMT -5
"Being a strong person doesn't mean always doing everything on your own. It means knowing when you've reached your limit and being brave enough to ask someone for help."
She couldn't hold it in any longer, despite crying earlier.. there was more there. And as Ainslie told her what being strong meant, she broke down. Tears streamed down her face as her mind went over what Corona had said.
She had to stop blaming her problems on Corona. Had to stop beating herself up over something she couldn't control. She bent forwards, crying harder as a hand clasped over her mouth.
She wasn't just crying for herself, and the situation she found herself in. She was crying for everyone. For Stephen. For Shames. For Lyra. For Corona. For Ainslie. For Colette. Everyone. "I want h-hi-him b-b-back.." She sobbed. "I want to just take it all back..."
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