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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 15, 2009 20:52:29 GMT -5
Saikoro shrugged the thought away and said simply, "Just Azrael." And then he completely moved to another subject.
"Because, Ollie always seems to cause us to argue and then someone gets hurt. That someone is usually me but sometimes you and I just didn't want to fight. I know that my new....change sometimes has a mind of it's own. I wouldn't want to end up hurting you." Saikoro explained simply.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 17, 2009 17:02:38 GMT -5
Azrael? And just Azrael? How? He...he died. They got rid of him years ago, but he came back in his own body, but he was killed--! What the hell was wrong with this cruel world?
She stared at him for a long time, before saying breathlessly, a little frightened to be in the presence of that monster again, "That's not possible. He's dead." Readjusting herself on the seat, as if to make sure she was still here, and that this wasn't a dream--because, fuck, it wasn't, to her dismay--Emma looked away.
"How did he get to you again...?"
She arched an eyebrow, not having a clue what he was saying about his "change" or "hurting her."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 20, 2009 14:36:12 GMT -5
Saikoro froze and then looked down. Had he just said that out loud? He began to worry and then finally, he gathered the strength to look up. "He's....not dead. Well...is body was but not his soul. I...I went...looking for him." He explained cautiously. With a sigh, he walked over to the window, turning his back on her. "I was drunk.....and I was angry. It was after the day Cain and his girlfriend happened to show up and demanded to see Molleigh. But really, I have Azrael completely under control. He's no longer able to control me....he simply just...talks to me."
He turned around and shrugged his shoulders. "I finally feel like I'm in control of someone....of something....of my life. Emma, it was becoming too hard for me to function without him causing that constant pressure in my mind. He made me stronger. I feel stronger. I've been wasting all this time trying to prove I'm fine now when deep down, I needed him to feel fine. I missed feeling in control of what happens to me. Besides.......no one knows me better than Azrael." Sai continued and then let out a deep breath. "I guess....I guess I really needed that pain he caused."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 21, 2009 2:30:50 GMT -5
Her jaw dropped and she pulled her elbows in close. "You went looking for him?" she reiterated, as if she hadn't heard him correctly the first time. Emma's eyes followed him as he meandered to the window, looking out as if for something, or someone--the glow of his eyes, just...something was off. Maybe it was the known presence of that monster that had tried to kill her baby, herself, and Sai. "Are you crazy? Are you suicidal still, Sai? Calling Azrael back into your body is a death sentence. I thought..." She swallowed hard. "I thought you were so happy when we got rid of him. Together."
Visions of that afternoon swam in her head. Such pain, but such joy in the aftermath. That speck of happiness that was each other.
She cast her gaze to the floor soon after. "No one knows me better than Azrael."
"I did."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 21, 2009 13:37:37 GMT -5
"I was happy! I was overjoyed that I could now keep you and Oliver safe. And then it got harder. He kept trying. And I had to leave you all too often, just to control him. When I was finally sure that he would no longer cause any harm........you.....you ended it and I lost everything." Saikoro explained with a sigh. "I had no control over my life....or my happiness. It was you who had the control then."
Turning his head away to let out a shuddering breath, he went quiet. But when he heard what she said, he scoffed almost immediately. "You thought you did. But Emma, you didn't know me completely. For instance, you assumed that any decision you'd make would settle perfectly fine with me. You assumed.....that I didn't care about the both of you; as if I wouldn't miss you.....as if I wasn't going to be around more often." Sai focused his eyes on her and stepped forward. "If you knew me, you would've known how upset I'd be.....you would've known how much I would miss Oliver; and you would've known that I simply took him that night because I just wanted to spend some time with my own son without Cian's shadow hanging over me!" By the time he finished, his voice had turned into more of an angry growl.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 21, 2009 13:45:16 GMT -5
Rolling her eyes, she scrunched up her mouth some and tossed a hand. "You did not lose everything. You have a good wife, a dog, and house, a life, and three children with three more on the way. Tell me you lost everything." She snorted, shaking her head. Saikoro proceeded to go on about how the bad things in his life was all her fault, but she had bypassed believing that a long time ago.
She lifted her arms at her sides and dropped them quickly. "Sorry I'm not a mind reader? I can't know what you think if you don't tell me." Emma shrugged. "Doesn't matter now, though. It's over, it was more than a year ago. We're still civil, aren't we?"
Her mind went back to Azrael, and how he was still in his head. It sucked to feel that she had helped get rid of him for nothing all those years ago. "I don't think you need him, because he's just going to take over and drive you insane. You've got to tell Amarie, and get him out."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 21, 2009 14:03:10 GMT -5
"I meant, I lost everything for that period of my life." Saikoro snapped through locked jaw. He then rolled his eyes at her statement. She always seemed to avoid the point. "Civil? We end up in some sort of argument every time we run into each other alone. Whether it's been over a year or not, it still hurts, Emma! If you were me, it wouldn't be so easier for you to just get over something like that."
It surprises me that you haven't just killed her yet, Saikoro. Look at all the pain she caused! She's standing in your way to happiness. Just do her in! Ignoring Azrael's murmurings inside his head, he turned quickly to Emma and stared her down. "I want to know three things. Did you ever really think about your decision? Did you truly think that I didn't care about the both of you? And....Did you ever feel bad about it?" He asked.
Sai wasn't about to go answering her other statement until he knew the answers to those questions. Besides, he felt fine with Az being in his head. After all, the evil man had no control over this body and probably never would again. If anyone drove Saikoro insane, it wouldn't be Azrael.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 21, 2009 18:30:07 GMT -5
Saikoro's counterattack made her pull a face, and she brought herself to her feet, not wanting to seem inhibited by the challenge. Still, she wasn't sure she was comfortable answering all these questions. "I'll not be subjected to self-condemning interrogation, but," she answered, putting up a finger to keep him from interrupting, "yes, I thought very hard about my decision for a long time. No, I didn't think you didn't care--I thought you didn't fit the bill. Yeah, for a day or two, I felt bad. But I knew I did the right thing."
Why was he testing her? To put her in some sort of plead-the-fifth position? She wouldn't take this if he was just going to throw her answers back at her.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 22, 2009 17:40:49 GMT -5
He listened without any emotion on his face. But inside, he felt slightly sorrowful. After she finished, he sighed, "Oh. Okay." Sai looked down at his hand. "That's....all I needed to know." Even then, some of him wanted to throw something back at her. After all, he had a good reason to. He didn't fit the bill for her? Did that mean that Amarie didn't deserve as much as Emma so she got Sai? Pretty much.
"Amarie is not to know. I don't want to cause her stress while she's carrying triplets. Besides, I'm fine. He's actually helping. I needed that pressure from him. I'll just get him that amulet and he'll be gone. I just need him to help me...recover from everything that has happened." Saikoro explained.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 22, 2009 17:55:33 GMT -5
Being an Empath was incredible. She knew she should have said something else to soothe him, but she didn't know if words would provoke him more or do what she had intended. Choosing not to say anything, she sighed, feeling his bitterness toward her for "giving him Amarie." He fit Amarie's standards. He didn't fit Emma's. There was no dumping-of-boyfriend-onto-best-friend-because-he-was-inadequate. Amarie chose him, she didn't receive him.
That was, at least, somewhat logical. "But don't you think she should at least know what you're going through? Assure her that you're all right, but don't leave her in the dark for her to find out later when you could be really in trouble."
"I just need him to help me...recover from everything that has happened."
A long sigh escaped her. "You should go to people who love you for that."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 22, 2009 18:12:47 GMT -5
"You should go to people who love you for that."
Her words made him snort in disapproval and then he looked at her with a half smirk. "When I do that....I get hurt. It's my job to take care of them....not the other way around. I learned that when we were no more. I should have been there for you like you were always there for me. I don't want to repeat things. I'm there for my family...I take care of them. I'm fine helping myself...and I'm not in any trouble."
Saikoro then looked down and sighed, walking over to sit down. He put his head in his hands and let out a deep breath. It was clear he was obviously stressed. "Besides, Amarie is still your friend. No one cares what I'm going through. Azrael, in fact, congratulates you. I'll be fine when we find that perfect house in the countryside. When I don't have to worry about who I might run into when I take Adalina & Shay out. Sometimes I wish.......Sometimes I wish...." Sai stopped and shook his head.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 22, 2009 18:26:29 GMT -5
Her eyes rolled once more and she pivoted her body somewhat so she wasn't facing him head-on. "If you're supposed to protect everybody, who are you going to count on when you're in trouble? Hmm? Everybody needs somebody. Don't give me this 'I have to take care of everybody' crap."
"I should have been there for you like you were always there for me."
Her eyes softened and she stared at him for a long time, not saying a word, barely breathing. True, he hadn't been around very often while they were together, but...she hadn't thought she'd done anything above and beyond what a normal girlfriend would have done. Biting her lip, she turned her head away. "Making a mistake with one person," she explained gently, hoping to relieve some of the hostility he was giving off, "doesn't mean you need to do the polar opposite with the next. Amarie will be fine. She's a strong woman. Anyone carrying mutant triplets is strong," she laughed.
Her smile quickly died as he sat down, going on once more. "Amarie...isn't really my friend anymore," she admitted softly. "And she cares about you. She loves you. I care about you, too." Her brows came together when he spoke of Azrael. Sitting beside him, she put a hand to his back. "Sometimes, you wish what?" she encouraged soothingly, running her hand up and down his spine.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 22, 2009 19:41:35 GMT -5
He sighed and turned his head to gaze at her. "Sometimes I wish that I was able to forget what we had once been.......as if I never knew us had existed. Everything would be better then. I wouldn't always feel like I disliked you. I would be able to forgive you." Saikoro explained simply.
It was hard for him to say that but that's truly how he felt. If he could no longer remember their time together, then he could move past everything. True, it was harsh but it made sense.
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 22, 2009 19:44:39 GMT -5
Another heavy, weighted sigh left her and she dropped her hand, looking at the ground in thought. "Well, I don't," she gave a level reply, picking her head up to look at him, though he wouldn't meet her eye. "If you didn't remember, how would you know love? Even more, how would you know Oliver?" Now she teetered on the emotional scale, unsure if she would be able to keep her stress in any longer.
Leaning over, she put her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry you can't forgive me. I like remembering the good times. I wish there was more I could do for you."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 22, 2009 20:11:22 GMT -5
Saikoro snorted and then looked away. "Of course you don't. You are happy with Oliver every day of your life." He muttered under his breath. He frowned and said, "I'd know love. I knew love far before I knew you anyways. And you forget that I don't actually know Oliver. No one has allowed me that chance." His hand tensed and he winced, showing some pain from the piece of technology that served as a limb. Sai had to shake his head, before letting out a shuddering breath.
"It's too late for that Emma. There's really not much more you could do for me unless you could pull as back in time and changed it so that you left me right after you found out you were pregnant and before you told me." Saikoro said with a shrug. "Or maybe gave me a bit more time with Oliver that one morning....possibly let us go to the Zoo so I could feel as though I did at least something father worthy in his life."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 24, 2009 20:25:32 GMT -5
Irked, Emma sat up straight and looked at him with a mixed expression of confusion and surprise. "You had three years to know him. You just didn't because you were never around. I allowed you three years' of a chance." Bringing herself to her feet, she sighed, making her hands useful somehow by brushing off the skirt of her dress. There was no pleasing this man. She stopped trying to convince him of anything. He was a stubborn ass.
She all but snorted at his comments. "Yeah, because that would've been so much better for my situation. Not only pregnant, but alone and pregnant. Thanks, Sai." Placing a hand on her hip, she shifted her weight onto one leg. "I panicked. You hit me, and stole him right out of my arms. You kidnapped him. I wasn't going to just let you have him. You've got to be half-crazy."
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 24, 2009 20:47:15 GMT -5
"Three years I was backing Azrael away, Emmanuelle! I didn't just desert you. I was trying to protect you and Oliver. Would you had rather I'd just let him come and rip you both to pieces?!"Saikoro barked with frustration. His hand contracted into a tight fist at his side and he turned away quickly. He couldn't believe how blind she was. Didn't she know that Sai had wanted to keep them as safe as possible?
"I was going to bring him to you after we spent the day at the zoo. I just wanted to take him and Adalina to the zoo. Without you and Cian tagging along. He had a right to see his real father as his real father...and I should be able to see my son as my son." Saikoro stated clearly. He then sighed and held his robotic arm with his human hand as if in pain. "We're going to have more than possible things to explain to him. You know that, right? He'll have a whole other family and everyone one of them would be a total stranger to him. Not to mention, you would've been lying to him all these years. You'll be lucky if he even trusts you...or Cian."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 26, 2009 12:02:45 GMT -5
Futile was what her attempts were. She was tired of his piteous talk, and his constant attacks toward her and Cian. It didn't matter if Oliver trusted them, or even liked them, after he was told Cian wasn't his real father. She was doing what she knew was safe for him right now, not later. She lived in the present, not what was to be or what could have been. Emma, trying to let her blood not boil so much at his words. "I'm not lying," she said through her teeth, keeping a cool head so far. "He knows who you are. He's four years old. He needs a father. Not a dictator."
Carding a hand through her hair, she let it drop at that. She did not want to fight with him anymore; she had tried to come here to befriend him. "Well, I guess I should go. You seem to be okay." Brushing her skirt off one more time, she wasn't sure if she wanted to meet his eyes at all.
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Post by Saikoro Kohana on Nov 29, 2009 14:56:17 GMT -5
Not lying? He knows who I am? She must be kidding herself. If not lying, then she's keeping information to herself.Saikoro thought in his head, which was soon replied to by Azrael.Exactly! She's forbidding the boy of his rights to know who he is in the world....where he comes from. Now that we've established that, could you hit her? Please? He shook his head, shaking the bad man's thoughts from his brain. "So is that what everyone thinks I am? That's what you tell them? A dictator?" He asked with a soft voice and a raised brow. "Is that why I can't even go to the grocery store without getting glared at?"
Saikoro winced and his arm constricted again before he managed to let out a breath. "Emma....I don't know what you say about me, but too many things are being perceived from it. Which is half the reason why I don't often go out of the house if I can help it. I don't take pleasure by spreading things about you.....you shouldn't either." He sighed, looking quite hurt. In fact, his eyes even looked wet.
He walked up to her and then said with some courage, "And I let you know, whether you like it or not, I AM NOT bloody dictator. I take care of three kids and an out-of-control dog; despite the fact I have numerous emotional problems and a misbehaving robotic arm. I'm a damn good father!! But for some reason, you don't seem to believe that," Saikoro didn't stop staring her down. "Because you forgot something important. I ended up with Amarie because we both worked together. We earned it. We didn't just float about without ever really trying. We didn't fall prey to what other people thought."
"No...that's what you did. You let all your little friends pester you into believing I was a terrible person. You were so blind by outside influence, you forgot the inside. You forgot the true Saikoro that was trying his hardest to make everything safe and happy. But as you said, it's over. I just wanted you to think about all the things I had sacrificed my life to do for you. All the happiness I brought you. Just because us is no more, doesn't mean that you can just dismiss the things I've done to try to make your life perfect."
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Post by Emma Lawrence on Nov 29, 2009 16:56:23 GMT -5
"So is that what everyone thinks I am? That's what you tell them?" She scoffed at him, shaking her head and holding up a hand. "I don't talk about you to anybody. I have other things to do." Her life didn't revolve around him. She didn't amuse herself by telling random people on the streets that her ex-boyfriend was a crazy dictator. He wasn't worth that amount of time and effort. He needed to tone his ego down a bit.
Rolling her eyes (this was becoming habitual), she shook her head yet again. "I don't go out and say anything about you. I'm too busy having a life with my family." She paused. "My thoughts don't circle around 'Oh, what can I do to ruin Saikoro's reptuation today?'"
His unrelenting eye contact didn't bother her, and she returned it with an equal fierceness. "Leave Amarie out of this. I had nothing to do with your relationship to her, and you don't have any reason to rub it in my face. We both found capable relationships. Your chemistry with Amarie doesn't bother me in the slightest. I have a wonderful husband that I'm happy with."
It wasn't like Emma to fall to peer pressure, and she was more than capable of being independent. That was what rubbed her the wrong way with Dean while she was pregnant with Oliver--she didn't want any help. So whatever Saikoro was talking about, was bullshit.
Emma laughed. "M-make my life perfect?" she said through her chuckles. "Yeah, getting me pregnant at seveteen was damn perfect. Let go, Sai. The past is over. If you'd like to go back, I can time-travel you there, but really. This is all a bit childish, don't you think?"
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